Do I go crazy or have I always been here?
Chaos is the comfort, the peace causes panic
None of it makes sense,
Could I be going manic?
I'm craving a quiet mind,
No thoughts, no racing to save the day, But when I find that comfort?
My insides are in complete disarray

I don't know how to start this
But I swear it's ******* with my mind
Cause the way you never miss
And the way it makes me cry

Why's she always first?
And the way you always seem to make it worse
Why can't I just ignore it?
For her I'd just die for it

It makes me sick
It makes me cry
It makes me wish I could denie
Denie the fact that she's important
To repair your broken comportment

I hate your jokes
I hate my life
It's tiring me
It makes me die

And yet I always seem to come back trying
Trying to keep myself from falling
Into that deep cage again
Where I never seem to be the same

And I love her
I really do
But your indecisive way of being "you"
Makes my mind go back again
To the place I've always fell

And I tired to ignore it
Annoyed I avoided
Avoided my feelings
Desperate to cover the grave
Where I hid my toxic trait.

On the verge of yes,
More likely I'll say no
Constantly increasing the distance,
Never quite letting go
Always wearing a tight lipped smile,
Even when I'm feeling blue
No sense in letting them know,
There's nothing anyone can do

Indecision dances in the mind's embrace,
A tangled web of choices to chase.
Between the paths, uncertain we sway,
Seeking clarity to light our way.

It’s not fun
reinsuring
my position with you,
looking from my view,
when those feelings
became one sided.

It’s not fun
accepting
those false facts about how
you’ve done a full 360 change,
not realizing
you’ve fallen back into the same space.

It’s not fun
watching
you go back and forth
with your state of mind
when you simply can’t
decide on what you want.