I don't want to get into battles that are not worth my time. My energy is limited, I can't waste it.
My heart and mind are in a constant rhubarb of indecision. Where indecision ends, living will surely begin.

The world doesn't want to be silent
but you do

The world can't go a second, without some click or tap
so I guess you have that in common

The world speaks, its every noise a story
but yours are hollow

I can see right through you
you don't know how you feel

I know those hesitations and excuses
you don't know what to do

I could tell you more about yourself
you don't know I understand

Leave it for me to tell you
what the world has shown me of you

Leave it for me to tell you
what you're afraid to say

Leave it for me to tell you
that we're a perfect pair

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know.
Don’t count on it— It’s decidedly so.

I should make the choice— we can never choose
Let’s flip a coin, heads they win, tails we loose.
—We lost— Let’s shake the ball for counsel
With out a doubt! —Or is it quite doubtful?

Yes or no, or maybe so, we will see.
Yes, I know, just let it go, we are free.
Are we wrong, or right, is it day or night, tell me.

Am I torn, divided, or split in two?
There’s a difference?— Oh if only I knew.
The voices in my head say they know what to do.

1/28/19

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know,
Do I dive in head first or take things slow?

We should try being friends first— her smile.
She laughs— a half of me sees an aisle
I’m too quick to jump— no, too slow to move
I’m too sick —Make a choice!— Will I ever choose.

Yes or no, or, yes and know? We’ll see,
Or maybe we never will, please, tell me.
Someone, anyone, will I be set free?

Am I divided, split, or torn in two?
Is there a difference? I wish I knew.
Oh, for crying out loud,what do I do?

1/17/19

Should I stay or go?
What I want and need aren't clear
Someone help me please

Maybe...
I will...
So one day...
I could...
If only...
I might...
Just maybe...
I should...

Why don't...
I think, really...
To be frank...
I'm not sure...
It's possible...
Probably...
The odds...
One in four...

Within reason...
Yes, quite...
And besides...
Who knows when...
It's not...
In the meantime...
You know me...
Then again...

Given the chance...
Nevertheless...
They would never agree...
It's likely...
Of course...
Yet, there's no guarantee...

All things being equal...
However...
You can rarely depend...
On second thoughts...
Sometime soon....
Well, that's settled then!

Adulthood daunting, calling, taunting.
Empty applications haunting.
Heartbeat thudding in my chest,
Through one more standardized test.

Fear ascending, never-ending.
Transcripts somehow aren't sending.
Catch me dangling off the edge,
Scrambling, I can't feel my legs.

Time interfering, disappearing,
Ground beneath my feet, commandeering.
Lungs burning, filling with water.
Panic prepping me for slaughter.

Indecision, like a prison.
One path splintered by division.
College here, or college there,
Growing up is a nightmare.