It's ugly
Right?
That's what they've always told me
And I should be grateful
To even have someone
Who wants to hit on me
But I want to be alone
In a romantic way
I like you as a friend but
I'd rather stay away
From the complications
Of relationshipping
And you make me laugh
And you're pretty cute
But I don't like you
So I'll call you
Dude and man
And give you subtle hints that
Men aren't my cup of tea
Because as lovely as you are
And straight as you can be
Darling I'm not into you
That's just how it is
I'm homoflexible
And asexual at best
It's the game I play
And you aren't my
Exception

I've never been more happy
To see an unknown
Number call me
The sound of your voice
Is all too familiar
The fact that
I made you laugh
Is worth more
Than gold to me
And at the end of the call
You told me
You loved me
And I said "you too"
Nothing can burst
My glimmering bubble
Of happiness
I'm so glad you called
Please do it again

And that's when it hits
Everything
That's been held up by strings
Crashes down
Around my feet
I'm lost
Again
In the same old maze
Of belated happenings
And the skies
That we made
Will keep fading away
To show me the blackness
Behind my eyes
If I sit here long enough
Star gazing past the sun
It will assuredly
Occur to me
That the only way out
Is into space

Please write back.

I'm not ok
Is that the first step I should take
Should I admit to my mistakes
Should I reach for another bottle
Cry about how much this aches
I'm not ok
But it's never going to end
Maybe all I needed was a friend
But now I'm holding to this blade
Tempted to cut again
Because every time I look into the mirror
I just want to ******* scream
I swear to God that I still hear them
And they keeps whispering to me
How my death is drawing near
I'm not as happy as I seem
So listen closely
I don't think you should love me
I only use you when I'm lonely
Wrap your arms around my neck
And start kissing me slowly
It's ******* crazy
I only think about it lately
My death
And I don't think someone exists
Out there that can still save me
I am sick
I admit that I'm not ok
An atheist that drops to his knees
Sometimes to pray
And I scream until there's nothing left
To say
Cry into my hands until my lips start turning grey
But every time I lay to go to sleep
I keep getting haunted in my dreams
Gasping and I'm sweating
Trapped inside the devil's schemes
"You're worthless, you should die"
Tearing down my self-esteem
So listen closely
I don't think you should love me
I always act so coldly
I'll smile to your face
But know that I am phony
And yes I'm crazy
I think about it
Much more lately
My death
And I don't want someone to
Save me

Here I am once more,
Trying to grasp what I can’t comprehend.
You speak to me in strange tongues.
Lesbian? I thought you were American.