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Nat Lipstadt Sep 2019
Hineni, Hineni; I’m ready, my lord.”  
(For Evangeline Ruth Hope
)

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”Hineni is Hebrew for “here I am,” and is the response
Abraham gives when God calls on him
to sacrifice his son Isaac. It is also the name of a
prayer of preparation and humility, addressed to God”


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what you do not know
is that this word,
was spoken with a fist beating
a pin into the praying man’s chest

recited daily,
shades of hopeful, reverent resonance,
a shaded resolution, disguised as a quavering variable,
a statement, a questioning, an unsteady surety,
all of the above

this word, rooted in my genetic consciousness,
been ready repeated since my first whispering

was I ten years aged?

first time, full on bowing
on the synagogue floor, not fully understanding or
ready to confess my selfish need for forgiveness,
my forehead resting on my stubbed fingers resting on carpet,
worn thin by my predecessors ancestors,
who now comprehend more, but then, never enough

these same fingers, that write this collective,
                                  Hineni,
a word repeated oft, flavoring of the who
of who I am, a training in soul fracking from
early childhood, its import, powerful beyond
today’s identity revisionist empowering

let me plainly speak, in the original language
taught to me with that other tag along, English,
a lingua franca, a dialect that can never capture
a soul presenting himself in substantiated readiness

for the whatever exists in between
hallelujah and hineni, where the rubber soul
hits the road, stumbling on hands and knees
on a forest path of roots and soil, where sunlight breaks tween
branches, are road signs to look up, look down, look within

I know your name,
Evangeline Ruth Hope
analyzed its components,
cleverly constructed Greek and Hebrew rooted,
bearer of good tidings, following Ruth in, to hope,
you a Moabite in Mormon Utah, preparing
yourself for exposure, practicing humility
unceasingly seeking

good

that is how it should be

cannot translate well enough
what was this gift given to me
learning as a youth, a wanderer, tribal member
where beseeching is second nature,

and accepting personal responsibility fully cardinal,
fiddling prayers while standing unsteady on
the roofs of extreme shakiness

hineni is then but this:
a prideful admission of strength

ready ready ready, here I am,
completely unready for the unknown future foretold,

hineni I know

here I am,
ready or not,
find me so I can be found,
cease, help me cease, my foundering,
confident in my willingness to
find a way


netanel
9/12/19
Truly alone here.
Garbage only in the mirror:
If it's true they are a reflection of me.
Though it's not, not at all.
We are not one, not at all.
I am superb.
They are trash.
I was never like them,
Always better.
They lied to make me hurt
For they were jealous and less.
I am Grand, beyond them and above, far above.
Me.
I Rule.
I'm Awesome.
And Grand.
Sweet, loving, gentle, kind - everything they never were, but lied to be.
I'll go my own way.
Hallelujah.
King
Nina Sep 2019
I am still patiently waiting
for the day to come
where I wake up
and smile
kinda sad idk recouvering
kain Sep 2019
One of these days
I'll fall in love for sure
All these cinematic
Shots of me sitting alone
Looking depressed
With a cat on my lap
Will have something
To culminate to
I'll be the star
Of a lesbian romance
That will wow the crowds
Shock gays through the ages
And land me where
I truly belong
Hello? Yes, it's me again. I was just wondering if you ever decided to get around to sending me a perfect lesbian lover. The last one didn't work out... yeah, I know. No? You want me to die alone? Fantastic. Alright, I'll let you go now. Just... yes, I'm gonna go cry, is that a problem? Okay, good. Buh-bye!
Colm Sep 2019
Just let me sit neath the wild blue yonder
Brooding like coffee on a quiet thought
With eyes full of horizons
I’m found in the lost
Brooding like coffee on a quiet thought
raicyd Sep 2019
Did it help when I walked away?
Isn't that what you wanted anyway?
Ever since then, until now
All roads seem to lead back to you

Someday you'll realize that
You didn't have to go
If leaving is the only way
I'm sorry
Goodbye
Wherever you may be
current mood: missing you
kain Sep 2019
It's ugly
Right?
That's what they've always told me
And I should be grateful
To even have someone
Who wants to hit on me
But I want to be alone
In a romantic way
I like you as a friend but
I'd rather stay away
From the complications
Of relationshipping
And you make me laugh
And you're pretty cute
But I don't like you
So I'll call you
Dude and man
And give you subtle hints that
Men aren't my cup of tea
Because as lovely as you are
And straight as you can be
Darling I'm not into you
That's just how it is
I'm homoflexible
And asexual at best
It's the game I play
And you aren't my
Exception
I never, ever thought I would be in this position. But dude, I don't normally like guys, and you aren't one of the rare ones I do like.
kain Aug 2019
I've never been more happy
To see an unknown
Number call me
The sound of your voice
Is all too familiar
The fact that
I made you laugh
Is worth more
Than gold to me
And at the end of the call
You told me
You loved me
And I said "you too"
Nothing can burst
My glimmering bubble
Of happiness
I'm so glad you called
Please do it again
My number got approved, and I got to talk to her for seventeen minutes and thirty-two seconds. It was a little awkward but I made her laugh with my dumb stories and hearing her laugh is the best thing I've heard in a while.
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