she never needed no therapy,
no medicine, no painkillers,
no antidepressants,
all she needed was to be held
while she grieved, mourned
her lost childhood
and the dreams she never had,
the hopes that died before she grew..
half of her memory
is lost in a timeline she can't recall,
the only thing she remembers is waking up to
an empty, cold, soulless world..
she kept praying, day and night,
for death to take her away
somewhere she'd find
some solace, some peace
a place to hide, go unnoticed
while all she needed was to be found, seen
all she needed was for the people
who brought her into this world
to tell her they didn't know any better
to say that they couldn't give
what they never received
instead they were raised to be
emotionless machines
except anger for it was the very thing
that dominated the house..
i don't know how someone like her
came out of them
she's too different,
she can't be normal,
she can't function on autopilot,
she can't pretend there's nothing wrong
with everything,
with how they live their lives,
with the world..
she somehow survived
when all she ever wanted was to die,
she puts on a mask that says "i'm fine"
but on the inside she keeps falling apart
she doesn't know who to trust
because she's been burned
one too many times,
falling into hands that only
took her for granted,
trying to find missing pieces of herself
without losing the essence
of who she really is..
she's tired of fighting for what
should be given away freely without a price
she's tired of having to prove herself, her worth..
she never learned that
she was enough
just being herself, the way she is
not needing anyone's approval
not needing to break, bend or shrink
to fit in somewhere she can call "home"
searching in all the wrong places
for what already exists within her
when she comes back to herself
when she steps outside the bubble
of hate, resentment and trauma..
forgives those who didn't know
how to love a soul like hers
forgives those who couldn't show
how much they loved their daughter
how much it would tear their souls apart
to lose her..

In the theater of souls,
I am a man!
But I think the thoughts
of a human.
I walk the eternal path
of spirituality,
Reflected in the light
of my reality.

I reached for the higher truth
as the old wives fables disintegrate
into the light of rational thinking.

Our light shines brighter
when we open our minds
and see through the darkness
we’ve been making.

Thump thump goes the heart
Machinery overflows
Can't rest can't stop, boom!

My inner child cries
Watching my animal self
Unfolding like sludge