Mother, I write this to you after the end of the war.
Japan surrendered and now I wear a cast.
The skies are still grey.
No bombs being dropped
The government has told us to wait
I think they might have forgotten that we fought.
Now I see silence at the ship's mast.
life has been going way too fast.
I have very little hearing left
But I still miss the times when you used to scream at me.
Sometimes,I gamble
and yes mother, I still mumble.
I often feel cheated
but in front of the strippers
I am defeated
I have been trying to heal my wounds
I hope I find real love soon
Mama, is this all too much to ask?
All I need is a little love
To forget my past.
I have fought on many fronts.
I have seen soil mixed with blood.
I have seen flowers wilt.
Seen myself hanging from a hinge.

I have aged
not gracefully
I think I have children
who think of me as futility.
I have made mistakes
and decisions in vain
got their fruit
been in pain

I need somebody to love
a place to call home.
In my soul, I have less life and more holes.
I want someone to be there when days are dreadful.
Someone who is internally beautiful.
I sound like just another lonely man
It's been hard writing this letter without slang.
Mama, is this all too much to ask?
All I want is a little love to forget my past.

Mother,  I am in my death bed
yes you read that right.
A nice nurse has been helping me write.
I ran away, Mama.
Yes I did.
Your darling son
who never flinched.
I tried to find an escape, Mama.
but failed
Went on a search for God and Allah
but lost myself half way.
They say I am too weak
Displaced bones
and days to live three.
No sign of hope.
My eyes are sensitive
the stars burn them
the sun turns them to ashes
Doctor says my eyeball has been flattened.

Mama? Are you still alive?
your son just came back from a fight.

I hear the silence
ringing my ear.
It's eerily piercing
no one can hear.

Blocking the sound,
getting much closer.
Dripping in sweat,
terror no venture.

Shackled with chains,
bound to cold steel.
Can't break away,
madness come feel.

Padded inside,
ceiling all white,
Ninety four tiles,
count every night.

Shadows walk by,
steps by the dozen.
Sitting in darkness,
silence and frozen.

The lights go on.
the lights go off.
Sanity is gone.
NOW GO *******!!

Have you ever been injured past the point of repair
Like hurt so bad that you don’t even care you just decide to compare
Notes with others wondering where it all ends
It depends on the pity party you attend
The healing of anything starts from within
To begin just accept that you are a human
Being and that life isn’t always nice, seemingly
Deceptive while its peaceful, but then meaningfully
The storms come taking the wind out of your sails
but to no avail you’ve lost control of your life and
the spiral begins..


it doesn’t have to be this way…


IT SHOULDN’T IT ISNT FAIR


But then, everybody has been there,
Seriously, everyone human has gone through pain
Has gone through the rough winds, and seen their tears fall like the rain
But verily like Shakespeare and the great deku tree
I know that better times are coming for thee
So stay strong, stay positive and keep your dreams alive
Because no one wants to see another young soul die.

A heart full of wine
and liquor-spotted lips
I can’t remember the last time we kissed or how long it lasted for.

Yesterday’s makeup across a sham of a smile
I always catch a glimpse of you on Sundays; it’s where you used
to hold my hand and trace secrets across my forearm.

Daisies stripe the path we ambled again and again until the grass was embedded
with stumbling prints of your neon Nikes and the soft tap of my feet.

I still feel you in my veins
The toxin levels rise; I watch it on the monitor.
A plastic bracelet wraps my wrist too tight, the way your left hand did.

I expected you to burst like a volcano
and flood me with heat, scalding my ribs
and charing all flesh.
I waited for you to make me new,
and you didn’t.
My hair was the darkest black,
and I faded into shadows
following you.

Hopeful lights turn off
For the night
Wishing on unseen lucky stars
For a small respite
Before the next battle
Tomorrow
You want real darkness
Without bright monitors
And flashing lights
But some wounds are too severe
And must mend before the 'morrow
One green light shines
Like a beacon
Your saving grace
Releasing a sweet numb
Making you forget
A little
About how bad it all feels
Whatever makes the pain go away
And you lay waiting
Rallying
Hoping tomorrow will come faster
Whatever the outcome
Of the next battle

You caught me with a blade
Pressed against my stomach
Drawing blood
You told me Jesus loves me
And world war 3 would stop
If I'd just call out on him

You told me that wouldn't make life easier
But it would help me live
A happy healthy life
But I can't give it up
My attempts at grasping for control

My shirt had blood on it
You watched me clean off the blood
You sighed, and reminded me
That I was worth something
Of course, I didn't hear you

I'm worrying now
That you'll tell my mom
That I'll get shipped off some place
Where they keep sharp things away
My blade has dulled
And so has the pain
I swear, I'll stop
I just needed to feel better

i am just a glitch in the system,
a name
on a waiting list which is too long.
i am just a name, one you can't get rid of.
so you tell me i'll wait six months,
it has been eight.

you call yourself professionals,
yet you don't seem to realise that teenagers are –
impatient.
so my mother leaves endless voicemails,
and my doctor sends a string of letters your way,
all in a feeble attempt
to hurry along the mind numbing process.

i don't expect to beat the system,
and there are countless others like me –
but isn't that the thing that scares you?

you know, there is this fashion craze,
where we tie lengths of black cord around our necks,
and call them "chokers".
i wear mine every day, and i tie it a tad too tightly,
because i can't breathe
and i've ran out of excuses as to why.