Well
I accepted for the sake of your exams,
That i am a bad human,
A fake human,
One into emotional drama,
One who's life is fake..  Fake.. And fake..

Fake fake fake and fake...
Your lover did use this word so easily,
I still feel the cuts in me..

I accept what i am not for you Oh best friend,
I accepted the fakeness... And did put it to the end..
Am just so free,  for everybody...


I remember my words...
I won't ever talk to you,
Oh best friend...
I can't put into words how much it hurts,
Am sorry that i was so " fake"....
I never knew I was..
Don't Know why does she think so....


You are my support..
And look,  we are never going to talk to each other...
Well you have your support...
But what about mine?
I feel so Terrible about myself..
I feel like dying...

Oh best friend, am such a useless best friend,
Who's phone number is not even worth trying..

You have done bundles of favors for me,
But your girl has always left me crying...

Just one wish from you oh friend,
Kiss the forehead of my corpse,
The day i be dead...

And whisper what had been my fault in my ear...
Oh friend so dear....

I once had a hope

That would never become

A true wish of mine...



I once hoped

That I had the strength

To get back up

When I'm being pushed

when I am already down

On the ground

But I knew

That my hope

would never become

A true wish of mine



I once hoped

That I had the mental strength

For when I am sitting

On a peachy colored

Chair

I wouldn't break

The waterworks in my eyes

For people to label me

As weak

But I knew

That my hope

would never become

A true wish of mine



I once hoped

That my dear brother

Would come back

From that dark and

Wretched place

That humans call

Prison

So that the pang

In my chest

Would leave me

But I knew

That my hope

would never become

a true wish of mine

I'm not sure where I'm going.
I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go.
I know where people want me to go,
But that's not where I want to go.
I don't know where I want to go
But it's not where they want me to.

I'm not sure why,
But I don't want to do much these days.
I've lost all motivation.
I need to finish school.
I want to drop out.
And I hate that about me.

I want out of this town.
This place is not my home.
I want to go home.
I want the four seasons.
I want to feel cold.
I hate it here.

I need to get a job
One that pays me enough to get by,
For now.
I need to save my money
Use only what I need to
Then, when I have enough,

I need to get out.
I need my own place.
Or maybe a place with a friend.
A place where
 I won't be hounded by my parents
To get my *** in gear.

I need the motivation
To do what needs to get done.
The best I have right now,
That would be,
The fact that it's too late
To get these things done.

I don't know where I am.
I don't want to do anything about it either.
I want to run away.
I need cash, and a job.
I need to move on from here.
I need a kick in the ***.

I seem to be lost.

Behind all these beautiful things
Lies hopeless romantic feelings
And sweet nothings.
I thought you were different
And that you were sent
But you just caused me torment.

Fogged windows blinded my sight from the world. Sitting in a bus, I was overflowed with thoughts that's been haunting me from my past.

A girl can only wonder limitless, intensely and quietly... I go crazy thinking nothing ever really last.

I asked myself everyday, WHEN will I be happy
WHEN will I be complete
WHEN will I find someone who will love me... for me

Why not start a family?
at least I could have some sort of reason. To look forward to sunshine even on a cloudy day, to set sails and freely float away.

But WHEN will I discover peace?
is it that I have everything I want and nothing that I really need?

A confusing puzzle I may never solve. Maybe I should be alone, maybe I was brought here to be on my own.

...I don't know WHEN all the pain and disappointment will end, they say I'm too pretty to feel this sad, too intelligent and I should appreciate what I have, that one day everything will fall into place... Yet I have to pretend
They say just wait, day after day. Everything that is for you, will come to you
.... But WHEN?


S.B

Im not gon' write a poem about you.
Uh uh.
I'm not about to allow you to make me FEEL
And allow you to fill
Me up
In such a way that my subconscious has to throw you up and onto a page
Nope
I'm not about to write a poem for you
Nooo siree, you see I've made that mistake
Prior.

When I was young and silly and hopeful.

I went and bought a fancy pen
The kind that writes so smoothly and makes my cursive extra pretty, but you know it bleeds?

I thought the ink that dripped from MY pen once it soaked through
It would sort of seal  us in the paper
Like I said, I was mistaken so
No.

I'm not about to write a poem for you TOO

And just leave myself exposed?
I mean who knows
if I replace those little tiny "o"s for hearts over my "i"s when I dot em that soon you could care less
For the stress on my esteem after you're mean leaving the apples of my cheeks with salty tears streaming down them
So naw'l
I refuse to tell the world how you made me blush when your lips found them.
Or how we had so much in common
It was raining but we just kept walking
You made me laugh until I was coughin'
I ain't gonna do it
I've learned its better to not let you soften-

my heart

But instead I mold bricks
cause it seems noone wants to actually bring any GOOD to it.
Seems 9 times out of ten all they want to DO
Is to do IT
when all I want is you to put
my hand in yours and stare into my eyes and search my heart and not my thighs
I'm not gonna try

And make this something more than what is was.

Just because of what I felt the warm and fuzz of flirty words spoken over Patty melts?
It was nice.
But I dont think that warrant's you a poem.

Not an admonition of my humanness
Not another proclamation of my foolishness

for allowing myself to think,
dare  I say hope
that those two hours of my precious life were 2 not wasted?
And Not worth the energy for me to store the memory
in the best way made for me to preserve it?
A poem?
How am I supposed to know that you deserve it?

But how can I resist within that moment?

After reflectin' on my day I find my mind keeps
pressing replay
on those two hours in Ferndale
And how we talked until nightfell.
Forgot to feed the meter cause what is time?
Hell I was frozen by you, guy.
I digged my nose into your life and just kept goin.
  
You had the audacity to inquire about my dreams and all my passions
and what makes me get up outta bed every morning

So I HAD to ask you back

And I listened
And I enjoyed what you said
And as we parted ways I had to immediately LIE
and document it in my head
Under "non-important"

It was nice

But don't let yourself get excited

Felt like I was on cloud 9 but gotta hide it
Come off the high
Cause what if in the end it's unrequited?

and I'm upset with you
Regretting you
No.
HATING you for letting me feel slighted
Yeah you tried it.

I mean YOU didn't.

At least not yet...

I just don't wanna write another poem that I'll want to forget.

In my mind I try to paint a colorful picture of you
But it always comes out black and white
I will never forget your eyes
for how they made my mind color blind