I decided to take
all the hopeless love
that I have and
color my words with it.
I share it for other
hopeless romantics
like me.

Everyone seems to like
my colorful words
all about you.

Why did you bring me to earth?
To break my soul,
Stamp on my heart,
And crush my dreams?

Why don't you believe in your own daughter?
Just put her down,
Break her spirit,
Even make her lose her faith...
In herself, everything and everyone around her?

Why will you let your own flesh and blood,
Child,
Family,
Be discouraged,
Sad,
Insecure,
By you?

What are you?
What are you really?
Family don't do that,
You're not my family any more.

You don't deserve to be called my mother,
You're nothing more than a dreamcrusher...

I'm slipping, tripping-
forgotten how to stand.
Choking, drowning,
sinking like quicksand.

I'm aching, breaking-
feel my heart shatter.
Abusing, wasting,
this life, doesn't matter.

I'm failing, trailing-
always two steps behind.
Lying, cheating,
truth is vexing to find.

I'm choosing, losing-
decisions are always bad.
Longing, yearning,
for clarity I never had.

I'm falling, calling-
can no one hear me cry?
Dissolving, fading,
in the blink of an eye.

I'm waiting, anticipating-
the bottom can't be far.
Hoping, wishing,
on a lonely nights star.

I'm blending, pretending-
smiles mask the pain.
Begging, pleading,
for a day without rain.

A broken face
yet the hate 
remains. 
Countless reflections-
self inflections
of pain.
Razor sharp
jagged shards-
my soul...
shattered apart
reckless heart-
no control.
But burning tears
can't hide
what I see... 
in that broken face-
the disgrace 
in me....

Sometimes you ask yourself, does she understand
does she understand what you mean when you
fight through the cold fog of numbing fear to face
her and stutter the words "I love you"
Does she understand it takes more than
just courage to utter some words, does she
know how deep you have to dig to find the right
way to roll the tongue and move your paralysed
teeth just to construct a single sentence...
Sometimes you wonder whether she knows or not
that it takes a thousand heart blips, a ****** labyrinthine
conundrum and a relentless soul to make a single step
across the emotional bridge...
Sometimes you wonder whether she really gets it
when you say she's the road you were destined to
walk without which you won't move on for no matter
how much you'll try, without the road you're stuck to
a single spot, sometimes you ask yourself whether
or not she gets what you mean when you say you
lost your way in the blue Ocean of her eyes and only
the north star of her affection can find you a bearing
back to the shores of reality yet the more the thought
the more the plunder of wonder...especially when you
finally realize she may understand yet not get it...
For how can she get it when even you knows storms
of romance do carry with them heart shuttering thunder
when even you have heard the same lines in songs
when millions of poems say the very thing
some even expressing them in a much more intricate
manner than you can ever weave, how can she get it
when the guy before you said the same thing and
only left a heart he found whole scattered like stars
in the milky way, not that they are not beautiful from afar
when she's probably saving you from her invisible ugly scar
one that will drive you away as soon as she drops the veils
and opens up the fragile side that she hides from the world...
What's there to grasp when her father used a similar phrase
to lure her Mama into an abyss of torment so much she grew up like
an orphan as her Mama could not take it anymore and had
to run off, never to be seen again, when her teacher
defiled her best friend with the allure of something not so different...
when she's read Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and more
where it all ends but in tragedy, fire or War...
What's there to understand when you aren't even sure if what
you feel's passion enough to light all way to forever... and you
know she's no longer playing games, she's been disappointed many times
and she won't simply fall for a beautiful piece simply because it rhymes...
And then you wonder, who'll find you when your rescue is more
lost than you have ever been...

You can ask me why,
and I'll start to cry
You can ask me when,
But I still won't tell you then

You can try to give me a hug,
But I'll take a step back
You can try to comfort me,
But I'll only feel discomfort

I'm broken and bruised,
confused,
brutally used,
and permanently uncured.