Somewhere, I’ve never been.
Not then and there
nor here and now,
It’s nowhere but my dreams.
It’s a longing for the safe
Warm glow of hearth and hope,
But I’m just a stranger estranged
In a stranger land
Forever seeking home

I'm sick, so sick of the cold
the sun beckons me
Want, wanting for more
than this dull city
Seek, seeking the waves
that crash so clearly
Miss, missing the breeze
that revived me

Feeling lost in black and white
I am craving color
Want nothing more than to take flight
Long for eternal summer

Marooned!
Mainland
Cry into my cold hands
Can't wait any longer
My hope's being slaughtered
I lost my Atlantis
Can no longer stand it
Alone in this place
Marooned

How, how many years and
Can I make it
Hold, holding back tears
I have to fake it
Fight, fight for control
Know if they see it
All, all will be lost
I'd rather die

Clinging to the songs that say
(I cannot make it) (I can make it!)
Broken down (Beyond repair?)
Long for this to be over

Marooned!
Mainland
Comforted by dark hands
Can't wait any longer
The anger burns hotter
My mind running rampant
Please, I cannot stand it
Split, torn, and twisted
Marooned

In my dreams
The mountains tower above me
Ocean waves crash below me
And the wind flurries around me
While the sun warms inside me
In my dreams
I am finally home
And I wish that I'd never wake up
I wonder, can I last another day?

Marooned!
Mainland
Reaching out with cold hands
Can't wait any longer
The pain's getting stronger
The home that I long for
Gets farther and farther
Can't take anymore
Marooned

The dead woman’s cat in the furrows of the garden
does not let herself be picked up
although hungry and thin after five days
with the dead woman and a night in the rain.
It has gone to join the other feral cats
among the junk behind the house. To be outrageously
******. On my way to work I try to entice it
with false friendship, guilt that the dead woman is dead.

On my way home I buy a can of cat food
but can’t find the cat. I let her go
to her fate. Later that night I try again
but there’s a tom waiting in her place.

Maybe I could have saved her if I’d known
her husband overdosed last week. Just maybe,
no more.
I ask the neighbors what happened to the kid.
The kid lives with her grandparents, they just used her for welfare.

I used to say
Somebody dies every day, it’s normal.
Finding and being found
by a woman, enjoying some romance, having children
and in that context earning a living
which becomes what you say when someone asks
what you do.
Doing something that proves you are alive
since the outcome will so easily be the opposite.
Stay near the earth people
that’s the way to grow old.

Good Evening, Mr. USA,
                  Awful fine day today, wasn't it? Living up in the great nation of those stars,
And those swagger stripes! I'm happy in the morning, waking up to jazz music. In a place where I'm beaten-down,
    Trodden in awful ways. But here I am, in the God blessed United States! I've been here, seen this, but still I'm dazzled. By freedom,
Knowing I have a place. In the great United States! There's only one place in the world, where you can find your dreams out on the streets.
    They used to say, "The streets are paved in gold!" It's hard to doubt, looking at the way the sidewalk shines in the sun. Don't change a thing Mr. USA, things are just great.

                                  From, MON.

Apple, berry, and honey.
A giving tree,
a vine’d bush,
and a killer bee.
Fulfillment underneath,
my ice cream.
All in the home,
of the outer layer.
Warm desserts off,
passed down family notes.
Holed out memories,
forgotten the smiles.
One day beyond,
I’ll finally see,
what was left behind,
for you and me.

One day,
there won't be a knock
or a call to announce where I am.
I'll walk across your ribs,
towards the light of your heart,
to a door that swings wide open
to a place where I am welcome,
a place that I've earned the right to be.

It takes courage to open your home
to someone.
Each room held up by boards
of trust.
your head, your mouth,
an attic filled with old memories,
fondled by silence,
as patient as you are.
I would never evoke your wrath.
As sturdy as those boards are,
I know they still creak,
eager to lash out.
Not in vain, but out of protection.

If one day that is the case,
I will accept it,
for it is not just your heart
but all of you that is my home.
And if something is broken,
we'll work to fix and repair
what is torn apart.

Here, in you, I am home.
And I will take care of every part
of you.
One day,
there won't be a knock
or a call to announce where I am,
because you'll already know.
I wouldn't accept your key
if I weren't absolutely sure
that I wanted to call you home

To have a warm space of one's own where everything is welcome. Where I can feel at home within myself. Where I soften internally no matter what comes up. Where I let go by expanding this warm space around this feeling. Where everything is allowed to be. Is slowing down. Is floating. Where I can breath. Where I stay in one place and things come and go. Thoughts and feelings come and go. Where I say yes to everything and I am the space around everything.

But
i want to think— that is it!
i want to recall them
to reconcile with them
i want to make peace with my memories
Heart