I accidentally let it happen
I didn't mean to I swear
All I can is say sorry
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry
And yet the actions I took were pre meditated
And I don't know who I'm saying sorry to
Myself?
But didn't I do it to myself?
But didn't I mean for it to happen
And yet now it has and I feel worse than before
I never meant to hurt myself like that
And yet I love the pain, the pressure
I'm already thinking about doing it again
Yet I want it to stop.
Does anyone else feel this way
Is it just me?
So confused
Going this way and that
Thinking I know where I want to go
And then I go the wrong way
I want up, I go down
I want the light, I feel for the dark
I can't let it get inside me, I welcome it in as an old friend
I reach to others for help, I slap there hand away once they try
I want the darkness to fade away, but I want to fade away.
I don't know what I want. To stay, or leave.
But will I ever get the nerve to actually leave? Or is this just me being foolish.
I dont know. A haze is on my mind.
I have darker things on my mind. They scare me.
How did I get like this? How did this happen? I dont want to hurt anyone but I know I will. I dont want anyone to hate me but they do.

lost in a moment
cars passing by
pitch black windows
the people cry

time goes on
but we’ve got to be strong
till whenever ends
whenever takes long

people call me weird
people call me great
if you’re born with a face
you don’t get to know me

the inside
for you such a haze

Often, in mornings, I wake by your side.
                                               A magnetic field pulses from your core;
                                   summoning beats from my heart in its sleepy haze.
                                    Mesmerised, I fold into you, pulled            
                                       ­                                                                 ­                                            to the right;

                                                         ­            Nudged onto my side, by blood
                                                           ­                                                            rushing to be close to you.

I get high and I don't think of you.
          ****** out of mind,               and somehow you're not on mine
  What do I do when all my reality is hazey and you're finally gone?
Soon you'll appear out from behind the fog in my eyes.
                               And haunt me.

I spend my days locked in a haze
Living in a fantasy world
Blocking out reality

Way out
In a dark abyss
Is where my thoughts call home

Joining the real world would simply be pain
Pain of the cruel harsh thing we call life
It's easier this way

I've shut down
Lost in my own creation
Never to be found again

s.j.d