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Fishing at the edge of this abyss
murky waters swallow my feet
always wondering,
wondering always
what lurks underneath?

Setting a beautiful net
shiny fabric swallowed by haze
always fooled
fooled always
what will I trap?

Fishing at the verge of this abyss
mucky waters stain my skin
always hoping
hoping always
it will be worth it.

Fisher, you should have known
only foul critters crave beauty.
Fisher, you should have known
only atrocious jaws devour love.

Setting a beautiful net
worn out golden fabric
always loving
loving always
the teeth sinking in my hands.

Setting a tender net
sewn back with hair
always knowing
knowing always
who would adore you
if it is not me?




[Another recurrence of the Devotion Rot habit—spilled as art.
Writings about a consuming love we would love to hate.]
Setting a beautiful net does not always mean you will catch beautiful things. And isn't that what we want? To find the unloved, one whose past and scars shine like rotten scales -one only us can love. For loving them comes at a cost nobody else would pay. And isn't that delightful? Coming undone to love.
Sam Pagunuran Jul 16
with milk-stained lips
and spoiled tears
i've unearthed myself
from the black tar
that is mother

i did not cry at first
then with a punch
she carved me
with jagged corners
sharp enough to hurt

it is not a birth
but an exorcism
a regurgitation
of a rotten heart
but it's still a heart

ba-dump
ba-dump
i am warm not by blood
gasoline fills my lungs
ba-dump, i'm on fire

"ba-dump, ba-dump"
are my first words
it's baneful magic
my mother too hollow
to understand

my arrival is an omen
she calls me "consumption"
i devoured my mother
and spit out the soil
i am sick and i am also full
Adagio Jul 9
In twilight’s hush, where shadows pray,
For sweet Elinore, lost to day,
The weeping willows bend and sigh,
As silver stars blink in the sky.

The whispering wind calls out her name,
A fleeting touch, a ghostly flame.
Oh, where has dawn’s bright darling fled?
To silent halls, where none have tread?

The roses weep in crimson dew,
Their petals soft—their sorrows true.
The brook, once laughing, hushes near,
As if it waits for her to appear.

Yet still the nightbird sings her song,
A mournful tune, both deep and long.
“Return, return,” the echoes plead,
But twilight holds her—lost, indeed.

So shadows kneel, and prayers rise,
To guide her soul through star-strewn skies.
Oh, sweet Elinore, sleep so bright,
Cradled in the arms of night.
I rest your head on my lap
and I promise everything is alright.
I caress your hair—
and it's myself who I deceive when I say
I will heal all that aches.

Playing peek-a-boo with your demons
I grant each and every desire.
Gasping lullabies to your ear,
do you rest when they sleep?

Playing hide and seek with your demons
they feed me all your whims.
Gasping bedtime stories to your ear
until you fall asleep
and they come with me.





[Another recurrence of the Devotion Rot habit—spilled as art.]
Poems telling about a love that lingers like a parasite, one that you welcome in the despair of loneliness. And one you feed in the need of being taken whole. Until nothing of you is left.
A soft lullaby you whisper while sweetly dying inside.
Farwa Jun 19
A knife she liked
The cards she hides
The truth in her words
Often never reveals the pain
Talking doesn't make her better
Just drove her to the memory lane
Nothing is worth the time
The redness of her own shines
The time froze the thoughts
Do you feel the haunting threat of thoughts?

A new lie to live by
A kind one you would not mind
Sleep to the whispers of her voice
Hear it in the depths of the voids
Blood bath you had taken
Just don't make her bleed to her rest
Alive and agile
Glittering in the pale moonlight
Shine through the broken hides
A darling of midnight

Different from her peers
Loved to volunteer
A lovely reflection
Torches were already bare
Hum a familiar tune
A kind of no one remembers or dreams
Chant from time to time
If she never came
Then that's goodbye
Byebye
The child I thought I grew up from made an appearance again....
A pair of glasses, shattered,
On the floor of a room that remembers nothing.
They weren’t mine, but I miss them anyway.
No one ever claimed what they left behind.

There was no sound,
Just the cold shape in the corner.
A chair pulled slightly back,
As if someone thought twice, then disappeared.

Dust settled like it had been listening.
I traced something into the glass with my finger.
A name? A date?
It didn’t stay long.

There are things I meant to say.
And one thing I never should have.
A hand I almost reached for, I shot in the dark.
A book for all, a book for none.
I wrote this one about nostalgia, but not the warm kind.
abyss Jun 15
Shattered illusions.
Shattered hopes.
Shattered dreams.

A house with no structure
built from the remains of ruin.

A powerful soul
in a trembling body.

A house meant to fall.
A house that realized
it’s not a house at all -
just the memory of shelter
pretending to hold.

It asks,
"Then what am I?"

But no one answers.

And so,
what’s left
sinks into the soil,
quietly turning
back into earth.
Who are you when it all comes crashing down?
The suburb’s still a skeleton
but now I wear its bones.
I was backlit,
bored,
all drywall and divine punishment,
first names shouted through screen doors,
ceiling fans spinning
someone else’s damage.

I kept saying I'd leave.
I kept writing it down,
spending my stories on soft drinks and scar tissue,
but
there’s a difference between
nostalgia and necromancy.
Between naked and naive.
Between full of stars
and just
falling.

We said forever
like it wasn’t
a curse.
Like it wasn’t
already dissolving in the pollen.

I wrote hymns for mouths,
sloppy as mascara in rainlight,
that made meaning feel like a dare:
the emotional oversights
we let ruin us twice.

Flannel soul,
face like unfinished business.
He touched me with all the guilt
of a borrowed god.
Begging,
but never burning clean.

A slippery little eulogy
sprinting toward a dawn already
in someone else’s rearview.
He didn’t kiss me,
but he almost did.
And I’ve been sick about it
ever since.

An ode to night
that chews at the hem
of what we thought we were.

Being here now is
already retroactive.
Already haunted.
Intertwined
like seatbelt bruises.

A small canopied disaster,
still posing.
still pretending.

I was a rooftop girl,
and I meant it.
Which is worse, I think,
than being believed.

The sky never answered,
but I kept
sending poems.

The suburb’s still a skeleton.
I’m just better at burying
what I mistook for light.
visited my poem '9/8/15' and rewrote it with.a 2025 take.
abyss Jun 13
Dreams, so many dreams
Some forgotten, some waiting to happen

am I one of those dreams?
forgotten after the morning alarm
or waiting to come knocking?

forgotten, or waiting to happen
am I a forgotten dream,
or are you waiting for me too?

dreams, so many dreams
overflowing with them

will I reach them,
or will I have to forget them?

each day, an ache that never ends
but when —
when will it be enough?

time.
time is cruel for a dreamer.

and what am I
if not a dreamer?

a dream
or a dreamer

I guess I’ll know someday,
but not today.

time, time is cruel for a dreamer
sometimes too slow
sometimes too fast
a never-ending agony

dreams,
so many dreams

some forgotten...
just like me

and yet —
I keep dreaming.
my first poem ever.
the first two lines wouldn’t let me sleep,
and somewhere between silence and thought,
the rest found me.
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