I'm the kind of silence at a funeral
I'm the abrupt pause after the drunk passes out
I'm the silence after the twig snaps
I'm the quiet still of a corpse

because when i see your pretty hips
i want to be between them and looking up at your pretty
sparkling eyes
i want my cold hands
on your warm thighs,
you angel
and i love the way you
tate
i love the way you
blushed
when you came

You're adorable as hell and my halo is tilting down at your sight,
Has me wondering if this could be our night, and no, I'm not scared 'cause I know you'll hold me tight.
Reassure me, whisper, tell me I'll be alright.
So I've let go, I'm yours to have under the pale glow of this December  moon tonight.
Cause maybe we won't be us forever, so let's spend every moment in the dark together.
But honestly we could go anywhere just as long as you are holding my hand. I write this poem for you after reading what Peter and Wendy went through.
I realized I don't want you to grow up if it means losing you,
I probably couldn't go a day,
without messing up your hair or yelling out how much you mean to me into the air.
And we both know this is love, cause your the only one I'm always thinking of.
So let's find our way in this sad college town today.
Cause maybe we won't be us forever, so let's spend every moment in the dark together.

i bet your eyes would look
prettier
(if that were possible)
if they were looking up at me
while i was sitting on your face
and if you ever want in lemme know

I want to know the reasons you smile, frown, cry, smirk.
The reasons your eyebrows curve, your forehead wrinkles.
The reasons you're happy, sad, angry, grumpy, bored, sleepy.

But you don't want me to.

Maybe the only thing that came good out of loving you
Is that 4 years later
I'll be a much better person that I was before
I don't take love so simply anymore
I don't fall in love just at the words of a boy
I won't let myself get beaten up over again
I still think twice before doing anything
And I still think about you a lot
I think about my mistakes
And I think about yours
It all taught me a lot
One of the most useful things it taught me was that
*Everything is temporary

Fear of the dark, a somewhat childlike fear, lead me to an electric shock, which lead me to break my vow of silence, which lead me learn what happiness really is.

Being happy is not fake sunshine advert sitcom glory
It is
Being able to take the gory and daunting turn of events that is
Making a mistake.

Talking it through
Or shouting it through, hissing it through
But
Above all
Letting it pass through -

Listening to another when emotions are heightened,
Using the strength and courage I’ve been cultivating to make that step (or leap)
To recognition of a lesson peeking out from the rubble of a mistake.

Mine were, in no particular order

Preparation, communication, setting and community

Did I really prepare my local community for what I was embarking on?
No, I did not explain what I was doing thoroughly.
Was the setting of meeting new family and old people in a house where 4 languages are spoken daily to get all communication clear, really the best place to take a vow of silence?
No.
Was I myself ready? Stable enough in who I am
to withstand the pressures of others all around me?
Or to maintain silence in the face of a panic attack?  
I didn’t know until I tried.
And the answer was no.

And *that is happiness.
Being able to take the gory and daunting turn of events that is
Making a mistake
Into
Relinquishing myself from self hate
Recognizing old patterns of destruction
Ushering in new ones of growth and peace
Embracing the fact that i can feel myself laughing
at the ludicrousness of it all           despite parts of me wanting to remain angry

Having compassion for those around me
Including myself -

A Being,
Happy.

You really should try and be nice.
I couldn't believe someone actually said that..I had to read it twice.

If you dont like my words or they strike a vein.
Quit while your ahead and go mask your pain.

Being mean to some one you dont know is pretty lame.
I am here for me and not to play your childish game.