She’s married now.
Six months gone,
And I’m still here
Talking to ghosts in my head.

We had plans,
Wild ones—
Run away, burn maps,
Name stars after each other.

And we did it.
We ******* did it.
Left everything behind like smoke trails.

But then she wept.
Worried about her parents—
Would they hurt themselves
If we disappeared for love?

She called her dad.
He cried.
That old man broke her
More than I ever could.

And I knew.
I knew I was losing her
The moment she said,
“Maybe we should go back.”

I took her home.
Even though it was killing me.
Even though everything inside me
Was screaming no.

Then came her wedding.
I begged her not to.
I cried like a boy.
But she didn’t move.

She said nothing.
She got dressed.
She walked into a future
That didn’t have me in it.

- THE END -

© 2025 June, Hasanur Rahman Shaikh.
All rights reserved.

She’s married now.
Six months have passed.
Why did she do this to me?
Things like this happen—
But how and why?

We had plans,
Dreams stitched into whispered nights:
Someday,
We’d run.
We’d escape.
We’d belong to no one but each other.

I remember the day we did it—
Left it all behind.
She cried quietly,
Worried what my parents might do.
What if they hurt themselves in grief?
What if we had made a mistake too big to undo?

She called home.
Her father cried.
“Come back,” he said,
“Where are you?
Tell me where, and I’ll come get you.”

She broke.
I watched it happen.
Maybe she remembered childhood laughs,
The smell of home-cooked food,
The weight of old memories
Tugging her back.

So I took her home.
Even though my chest screamed
Don’t let go.

Then came her wedding.
She told me she didn’t want to do it.
I begged her not to go through with it.
I cried.
I said everything.
I want nothing else but her.

But her mind—
It was elsewhere.
Fixed.
Still.

And so she married.
While I lay in bed,
Tears soaking the pillow,
Wondering:
What did I do
To deserve this?

I loved you.
You married someone else.
All our plans—
Gone.
Most of the happiest days of my life
Were with you.

Reality is cruel.
Fate is cruel.
You were cruel.
And me—
I’m no better.
Maybe I’m just…
Empty.

Not even lonely.
Just hollow.
Void.
Unmoving.
Unreal.

I make promises I won’t keep.
I talk big dreams I won’t chase.
I say I’ll change—
Then stay the same.
Naive.
Pathetic.
Unfocused.
A wanderer with no real will to move.

Sometimes I ask for advice,
But I forget it in an hour.
I live in loops.
Wake up.
Pretend.
Sleep.
Repeat.

I say I want to change,
But what do I even want?
Do I want anything?
Do I even know?
No goals.
Just daydreams.

A fantasy:
A life with no purpose—
Just food,
Peace,
Movement.
Trains, buses, faces I’ll never see again.
New places.
New cultures.
No pressure,
Just air.
Just being.

But how?
Where will I find the foods to eat?
Who will give me a place to stay?
Dreams are just dreams.
Some turn real.
Most don’t.

Then fate shows up,
Smirking.
Punches you hard in the face.
“Wake up, my boy,” it says.
“Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

Like us.

I miss you.
I love you.
I want you.
I don’t want to be without you.

But I am.

And now—
I’m alone.
So alone.
And I don’t even know
If I care anymore.

I don’t worry about family.
About future.
About anything.
I am empty.

"Help me."
"Miss me."
"Love me."
"Tell me, why?"

Why did this happen to me?
I’ve done bad things.
I’ve also done good too.
So what did I do
To deserve this ending?

I don’t know.
I am clueless.
I am lost.

I am empty.
But I still breathe.
And maybe one day—
I’ll begin to fill myself.
Because in the end,
No one else will.

But for now
I am just empty.

- THE END -

© 2025 June, Hasanur Rahman Shaikh.
All rights reserved.

We lost the baby
on a Tuesday.
No name, no warning,
just blood, and her crying
in the bathroom,
and me frozen
in the hallway
like a ******* coward.

She called it nature.
I called it punishment.
Neither of us said the truth:
we didn’t know what to do
with all that grief,
so we turned on each other.

I held her after,
but not the right way.
She needed rage,
I gave silence.
She wanted me to scream with her,
I whispered
and checked my phone
when I couldn’t take her breaking anymore.

She said,
“You didn’t care.”
I did.
But I didn’t know how to show it
without falling apart too.
And I thought I had to be the strong one.
What ******* that was.

We stopped talking.
Started sleeping with our backs turned.
Started looking at each other
like strangers
who shared a secret
too painful to survive.

And yeah,
eventually she left.
Packed her bags like
she was cleaning up a mess
we both made,
but only she had to carry.

We don’t speak now.
I don’t blame her.
I blame the silence,
the shame,
the ghost that never grew,
but still
haunts everything.

I still think about them,
the little one,
and her.
Both gone,
both real,
both things
I couldn’t hold on to.

What if I never get better? I can't beat the fear, I never get Noah's letters
What if I'm not the exception? I'm just the rule, ever gullible to affectionate deception
What if the damage is forever? We can't re-fall in love, our connection eternally severed
What if I'm only worth 49 first dates? You wake up on the 50th and decide this life you hate
What if I'm a Heather?  Exploding with you without knowing any better
What if I don't make it out of the car? Just wasted potential, never getting very far
What if I'm a bet you made with your friends? 10 days- I'm in love and your joke's end
And if I'm the bridesmaid, never the bride? I catch the bouquet- staring at you swallowing my pride

So tell me love, do you feel better now?
Have all your questions been answered, will you let it die out?

Tell me love- did it fix your pain?
Is your chest no longer aching? Are you finished storming rain?

Tell me love, can you really accept it? You're not just a lighter you're
also a match stick

Tell me love what have you learned?
Did you really learn your lesson- will everyone get burned?

Tell me love will it make a difference? You want to change but you're never good with this

Tell me love you think it's all fate? That a few months of work can replace all your hate?

Tell me love- for you know it's true, you're a star burnt out and he's too good for you

Tell me love- can you stay this course? Or will you stop arguing with me once your voice is hoarse?

So tell me love did your mind untangle? Or did you just ramble on wishing your own neck you could strangle?

I don't know how to feel
when i look your way i want to see you
how you once presented
so enchanted by the life you lead
i watched as one by one,
the aspects that once shone a bright purple,
now just radiate behind you,
they seem like they are suffocating you,
following you,
dragging you down.
now i can’t help but feel defeated.
because my sister, my best friend,
once so joyous and palpable,
is now left a shell of what she used to be.
she is unreachable, i can’t reach you.
living in every day fear of what is to come,
trying to ignore the inevitable,
but that is just it. inevitable.
one day you will leave this world,
and i wont blame you.
and i cant blame the things around you.
after all, death is the one thing we are promised in life.
so although i can come to terms with the fact that you are on the cusp of death,
i don't think i will ever be okay with the build-up towards that.
the intense pool of dread that is packaged along with losing you.
my beautiful sister.