So sweet,
I continue to eat
I get so sugar high
I want to fly
I rise to my feet
dance to the beat
of roses dying
and children crying
Through the tears of the weak i find my meaning
And i just keep singing and i just keep eating

Where the darkness goes
I will follow endlessly
Into the abyss

to all those
that ever wonder what it's like
to have delusions
or hallucinations:

touch your nose
or your lips
or your hair
or your ears

touch anything.

you know that your nose is real
right?
you know that whatever you decided to touch
is real.

now
imagine everyone
and i mean everyone
is telling you that it's not.

that your very
very real nose
isn't there.
that it's fake.

some people will scream
others will treat you
like a baby
some will pretend with you
for awhile.
but all of them
their goal will be at first to convince you
that your nose isn't real.
and when that fails
it will be to make you feel so ******
that it doesn't matter
because they don't care about you at all.

and one day
maybe
you'll break.
like me.

you know your nose isn't real.
it couldn't possibly be
it makes no sense
it's stupid
it's just in your head.

but you also know
that it's still there.
that it's still very very real
and you know
it has to be.

so
next time someone
confides in you
or slips up and you see inside

don't say anything negative.
we know.
it hurts.
we just need comfort.

i carved your name into my thigh
because you asked me to bleed
and i would not

i carved your name into my thigh
because i wanted to bleed
but you did not

i carved your name into my thigh
and then i left you
or you left me
i dont know

i carved your name into my thigh
but it is gone now
and so are you

i am better for it
but i will never forget
how i carved your name
into my thigh

you made a playlist
of songs about
car crashes

not because you
want to die
but because
your mind
does

i am sick
but not just
in the head

sheet metal leather
belt pulling itself
tight
around my waist
and around my
neck

empty bursting empty
can't fill my
stomach
bursting empty bursting
too much in
stomach

nausea from breathing
too full yet
hollow
lungs can not
get enough oxygen
in
out
in out

frozen stiff and
trembling but strangled
by clothes and
by my own
skin

food poisoning flu
indigestion cramps panic
stop

please please just
please just please
stop

where are you?

not gone,
you promised.

not answering.

where are you?

i need you.

where are you?

im sorry,
i was gone.

where are you?

please respond
i am scared
i am terrified
i need you

where are you?
not gone.

isn't pretty
isn't happy
and
isn't fun

my december is
losing hair and
coughing until
i'm about to pass
out

my december is
loss of appetite
and aching joints

my december is
heightened anxiety
and sensitivity to
those around me
and their
emotions

my december is
sickness
in more ways
than one

but it is my december
and mine alone