I tried to forget your face
While he was touching me
But your always waiting at the bottom of the bottle.
And in the folds of my pillowcase

you liked to live life in the fast lane
speed straight down highways, no slowing down
no brakes, no time to hesitate
no time for limitation on your desire to obtain your preoccupations

you liked to focus on the present for a short while
until the now signalled its change to the slow lane and began driving the speed limit and you could no longer race it
from then, it was pretending to care while searching for the next body type
no two were exactly alike, you always had a hunger for a new rev in the engine
sooner rather than later, the present became a distant memory that you left stranded on the side of the highway and you took the driver's seat in a new model that you should've taken passenger's in

you did always enjoy revisiting your antiques though
they were the ones you knew were too attached to forget you
until one day, your most prized possession refused to turn on its headlights and refused to run for you
and thus began the inhalation of your premium body type collection

off to the races speed demon, good luck finding another car to race

all i ever wanted

was for your face

to light up when you saw me.

like my heart when i hear your name.

instead, i sit at home and

cry about how you do not love me

i say its a shame

but the real shame is

that i am not surprised

for if even i cannot love myself,

why would you love me?

i cried again today,
because  despite it all,
it's still you.

Tell me that it's love that i'm feeling.
if it's not I fear my heart can't take much more.
I can't take my eyes off you,
yet i know the reason I won't leave is in your eyes.

I know it's love that I'm feeling,
even though we haven't been together in so long.
Your eyes still sparkle the same,
like watching a meteor shower

I'm caught in awe.

I swear you've never looked so good
so much better than anyone should,
after they tore away my heart.
I can't take my eyes away from you still.

If I survive another night,
I know that I can get over you.
I once had that lovin' feeling from you,
but now I'm gone still dreaming...

still dreaming of those meteor showers.

I used to pity my friends
They fell so easily
Never failing to coexist perfectly with an admirer
Becoming best friends and lovers
Until the day they break apart
Leaving memories with a mixture of despair
I believed getting over a person was simple
Stop texting
Stop calling
Stop thinking about them
Then move on like it never happened
But that all changed when I met you
When I myself fell
I fell for you, when I told myself not to
Now I pity myself for missing you

I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head but the only thing that came out my mouth was silence. Forgive me if I can't greet you like an old friend, I'm still struggling to understand how you could come in and shatter my heart into little pieces and act as if nothing happened. I don't miss you but sometimes I lay in bed thinking about you and I can't get you out of my head. It's not the "I miss you" kind of thoughts though, it's the " I regret that" kind. I regret letting you push me past my limits and then forcing myself to accept that I really didn't mind. I regret giving in to you because I was afraid to lose you otherwise. I regret every minute I let you treat me less than I deserved. But most of all, I regret staying with you even after I realized you were toxic. It's not still loving you that I'm struggling with, I'm way past that, I'm still trying to love myself again after all you put me through. Did you ever realize what you did to me? Why are you spreading rumors and trying to destroy my reputation? Did you ever even care about me? Why do I even care? What good is regretting all these things going to do?
I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head and I'm glad the only thing that came out of my mouth was silence.

And after all the **** you put me through, I still cannot hate you for you had the courage to do what I could not and save me from ruining myself. So instead, I'll think of you with indifference, because you sure as hell don't deserve anymore of my time.

It was never my intention to leave you standing outside.
I never heard a knock on the door, an unintentional contradiction of the welcome mat beneath anxious feet.
Though small, the hall extends to a larger room. Surrounded by two more rooms across from each other. Fair in size.
Prints of bare feet seep through thin socks;
The sharpness of your gaze. Cluttered in thought.
Remnants of the last place you stood.
Admiring now replaced siding.
The last time your back pressed against the side of the house, broken promises chipped off.
Weathered.
Nails pulled out and replaced with screws. An extra layer of tar paper.
You promised you'd return but never came back,
The decor of your essence repainted with a light tan, border still to be sanded down and nailed against fresh paint.
Moving from the room at the end of the hall,
Walking toward the front door then forgetting what I was going to do

You know that feeling
you get when
you drive at night, and you
just want to feel the car fly, so you
push your foot as far as
it'll go down on the gas,
down to the baseboard,
your engine howling like a wolf in the
moonlight,
yet somehow it doesn't feel
fast enough?

That's what it feels like
getting over
you.

Getting over you is like
sneaking home, trying not to awaken
the parents that you
left dozing,
but every
single
solitary
stair
creaks underneath your weight.

It is the
new routine with the
broken ankle;
the unanswered
correspondance;
the sailing ship on
the windless ocean;
getting over you is the
road taken and laden with potholes;
the refusal of the snow
to melt,
my feet slipping out from underneath me
on the remaining ice.

Getting over you is the
flameless fire,
the un-Happy New Year,
the series of unhappy poems.

Getting over you
is the bottle of champagne I drank
to quench my thirst for you,
the texts I sent you and didn't remember,
the tears I shed as I begged the
universe (and anyone else in ear shot)
to explain why it had to
turn out this way.

You know that feeling where
up is down,
left is right,
inside is flipped outside?

You're gone.