Such bitterness and such fury
Directed at you but really should be reflected
Time is the water to soothe
Reminding me that change is to come.

I want to stab a knife to your canvas
And maybe as expected,
Instead of flesh and bones
I find snakes
Slithering, swirling frantically,
Kissed by fear in their evil eyes,
In their terrible surprise
Fire has exposed them!

I want to dash red paint on that fake smile
And watch you gurgle on your own blood
As it pours
Thick, black
From between your teeth.

I want to rip out your lying, beating heart,
Blackened by your sins and selfish intentions,
And watch your hollow eyes finally
Show true emotions.

And I will not stop picking
You apart until you cry
“I give up!”
But how can I trust a
Black
Lying
Beating
Heart?

‘I don’t know’.
That isn’t an excuse. That’s not the easy way out.
I genuinely do not know the answer to the question you’re asking.
Oh you’re frustrated?
Imagine how I feel!!
You just asked that question.
I have been asking that question my entire life.
“Why can’t you just..?”
I
             DON’T
                                   KNOW !
I want to scream,
to cry,
to be heard in some way !!
and not because I need the attention but because I genuinely have something to say..
Something worth hearing..
I’m scared of what’s in my mind.
I’m scared that I’m running out of time.
I’m scared to be alone because I don’t trust myself.
Not around scissors.
Not around pills.
Not around myself.
Do you know how that feels?
Do you know how it feels
to not trust yourself
around yourself?
I am at war.
   My mind
        vs
       Me
with my heart as a witness,
my soul as the prize
and my body, the battlefield.
I wonder..
Will I be a causality?

I'm … " WATCHING YOU " … !!!    
Like You … " WATCH ME " … !!!  
    
It's Really NOT COOL …    
To Watch Me Like A THIEF ... !!!?!!!    
    
Now This Story Happened To Me …    
    
I'm In The Post Office Looking In My Pockets …    
Minding My Business But As God Is My Witness … !!!    
    
A White Lady Was YES … " WATCHING ME " …    
A Box To My Right Was … " Unattended " …    
    
This Woman Made A Move ...    
That'll Prove My Point To You ... !!!    
    
She Came Towards The Box …    
Of Course I WASN'T Shocked … !!!    
    
But Then Another Woman …    
Came Back With QUICKER Movement … !!!!!    
    
It Was CLEAR The Box Was HERS … !!!!!    
But Then The First Woman Made The Matter WORSE … !?!    
    
She said,    
    
"You shouldn't leave your things so carelessly !"    
    
At This Point It Was CLEAR That She ...    
Was Referring To ... ME … !!!!!    
    
At This Point I Was … " Cool " …    
    
But Just COULDN'T Refuse … !!!    
To Start To Use My Voice … !!!    
    
I Said To … " Lady Two " …    
    
"I think it's clear, her view,    
she thinks that i'm a villain !    
So, what's a guy to do ?"  
    
THIS WOMAN Then Replied …    
    
"That's not what she implied !"  
    
So This Was When My Time Was Spent …    
EXPLAINING CERTAIN Things To Them … !!!    
    
"What would make you think, that I'm ignorant ?    
Please state you case, and your defence !    
You need to use some, common sense !    
Acts like these may be well meant,  
but may just cause someone offence !"    
    
Both Ladies Then Were CLEARLY TENSE … !!!    
    
Because I Posed … " Certain Questions " …    
    
"Am I a thief, do you believe ?    
A box can ease my poverty,    
or, hold the keys to my being free ?"    
    
Of Course They Used The … " OLD EXCUSE " … !!!  
    
"Think that way if you want to !    
It's clear my dear, you have no proof !"  
    
I Guess That's True … ???    
    
But … ???    
    
What Would You Do … ?    
If Someone Did These Things To YOU … ?!?    
    
"WATCHING" …. Yes Your EVERY MOVE … !?!    
    
Most People Would Agree With Them …    
And Say ... "It's me, who's got the problem !" ...    
    
I Guess I HAVE … !!!    
    
When People JUDGE The Way I STAND … ?!!!?    
    
It Starts To Touch My Will To CUSS ... !!!!!    
    
"Why you watching me, am I that ugly ?  
Oh sorry, of course, I look scary, and    
clearly some, think i'm a thief !"    
    
This Exemplifies Why … " Society " ...    
Has Got Such … " IMPROPRIETIES " … !!!!!    
It's Hard Enough For Blacks To Steer CLEAR of Police … !!!!!    
    
They're WATCHING Us Waiting To … " Cuff " … !!!    
And Nowadays SHOOT Their … Rather BIG Guns … !!!!!    
    
WITHOUT The NEED of PROOF ...    
To … Make Their Move .… !!?!!    
NOT … ALWAYS True … !!!    
    
SOME Do Their Do Without Abuse …    
But Trust In This It's Only A FEW … !!!!!    
    
Some People Now Are Acting FOUL … !!!    
And Are HOLDING Views That AREN'T  So Cool … !!!    
    
A Man At A Till In … " Sainsbury's " …    
Was NOT SO THRILLED When Seeing ME … !!!!    
    
I Was Standing WAY BACK ….....    
About …….. Eight Feet …….. !!!  
As He Paid His Bill Waiting Patiently …....    
    
He Was Gonna Tap In His …. " Chip and Pin " ….    
But Looked OVER His Shoulder As If I Had Moved Closer ...    
    
He Gave Me THAT LOOK As If I Was A CROOK … !!!!!    
    
Now ONCE AGAIN ...    
Most Would DEFEND This Mans' Movements … !!!    
    
But … Take A Sec … !!!    
Where's Your … " Common Sense " … ?!?    
    
" Chip and Pin " ... ISN'T My Invention … ?!!!?    
This Was Done By Scientists And Governments … !!!!!!    
    
THINK It Through To STEAL From You …    
I'd NEED To Have Some Pretty Good Tools … !!!!!    
    
Your Pin Number May Be … " MISUSED " … !!!!!    
By Those Who Sit In … " Rooms With VIEWS " …    
    
Big Brother's ALWAYS WATCHING YOU ... !!!!!!    
While YOU Seem To Think You NEED TO WATCH ME … ?!?!?    
    
.... THINK About It Chief …. !!!  
    
I Suggest You Use CASH If You Feel Like THAT … !!!    
But I Guess You'd Rather TRUST Your Bank ... ?!?    
    
" Embezzler huh ? " …  
    
I'm NOT THAT MAN " … !!!    
    
Your FOOLISH Fears Are NOT Well Steered … !!!    
WATCH THEM BEFORE Your Bank Account's CLEARED ... !!!    
    
It's Happening NOW And You May FROWN …    
If You FIND That YOU'VE Been CLOWNED ... !!!!!!!!  
    
By Those Who KNOW ...    
How Much You OWN And Where it GOES …  
Highs And Lows Which Goes To Show …    
We CLEARLY HAVE Some Ways To Go … !!!!!!!!!    
    
Before We See Some UNITY …    
    
From The Post Office To Going Shopping …    
It's CLEAR Some People Are INTENT On …    
    
.….. " WATCHING " …...

English
Anguish

Time is the wrinkle
On my otherwise nice life
It keeps secrets
It places blame
It determines value
It comes with cost
It measures war
It holds out for love
It reminds me
To pick up the kids
From school at noon
Reel me in, tune me out
I'm at its every beck and call

pull my body across the sand and into the ocean
step into the depths of the self and feel every breath
carve the remains of your sins into the souls of my feet
chip the paint from my surface

drain me of the honeycomb emotions
that cling to the walls of my being

pull my hair at the root
rip the metal from my body
scrape the ink from my skin
make me unrecognizable

you'd reach into my chest
and grip my heart yourself
if it would keep beating

restrict my shoulders beneath the water
watch the air leave my lungs
watch yourself
as you hold me

dispose of me cleanly
only after
you've had your last laugh
I am whole again