He's doing better now
number one
my first time

He sent me an email
because I saved his life

He's sober and holy
all set
all the time

He said he will pray for me
His prey, not mine.

He hopes I'm well
I'm good
I'm golden

He forgot he did the damage
I'm healing, he's broken

He thinks I meant to save him
tell mother
tell God

I only wanted space from him
let me go, get lost

His email said "hey"
as the title
as the heading

I wanted to curse him
I'm trying
I'm forgetting.

I had such a great thought
but its gone away now,
never to be heard from again.

I'm trying to remember how I felt about you.

I'm trying to remember my longing for you when you were away.

I'm trying to remember how I once was comfortable around you. Able to be me, and happy to see all of you.

I'm trying to remember the immense joy I felt every morning waking up to you.

I'm trying to remember how perfect our skin felt together.

I'm trying to remember the sweet words we whispered to one another.

I'm trying to remember what love is.

Trace my love in the half-shell curve of a woman’s back,
Like the naked wetland of Egypt, ibis-nest of the Nile delta.
Lovely woman, throw your arm back like a tethered cord,
To this sledge-mason for your pyramids, this falcon-doting ward
Of your gold capstones, all-seeing eyes over the west-bank shore.

Love, our days of polished limestone are wind-scoured,
Left like a pile of petrified fruit from figs and bottle gourds.
Love, always forget, now the sand has filtered into my pores
And cascades into the empty shell of my quarried heart.

I believe love has an evil twin,
But I could be losing my mind.
There are petals on thistles,
And thorns on roses;
I can turn 360 or 180
And ride off in any direction.
Tales run like a loop in my brain,
Not recalling who's heard what,
I preface:
I've probably told you this before, but...
Is how any old story begins.
Deja Vu is my new life.
Every thought was once a poem
To be polished and revealed.
Today, they are intermittent.

I've been trolling old television series;
The Monkees were terrible then,
Terrible still;
The Three Stooges were best left in the memory vault;
Bonanza still has Ben wearing his beige vest;
Elizabeth Montgomery is still bewitching;
Jeannie is irritatingly attractive.
I must be leaking grey cells;
Rationality is creaking in my bone-head.

Memory loss;
I know you're serious,
but every time you try to speak to me
I'm dropping words and sounds
like an imaginary hot potato,
thrown to me by a very rude child
who thinks making me lunge a thought
away from me counts as being safe.

I know you said something,
sounded like white noise,
sounded like the conversation
I think we're having right now,
I'm behind five sentences,
or maybe five minutes,
something there sounds about right.

Keep speaking, I can only hope to catch up,
this constant amnesia is aching
and my head is in a fog,
but I know you're serious
and you said something, something...
memory loss.

It's a summer night
The start of July
There is no light
Apart the sky

Those brilliant stars
The only equal to your eyes
You're the reason for my scars
And why I'm alive

I'm scared of the men
Who try to slip in my bed
But I'm terrified of the monsters
Inside of my head

They whisper words
From the back of my mind
Memories that hurt
From times I can't find

I'm so close to my demons
I could give them all names
Try to justify my wrongs
By playing this game

No number of millions
Could fix my heart new
You're lost among the billions
I hope one day I'll find you

I think I hear your steps
But It's only my dysfunctional heart
That beats itself apart
Just at the thought of seeing you

No one else
Ever made me feel the same
As you left somewhere else
I whispered your name

Again my heart breaks
For the love that I lost
No gods or golden lakes
Could pay back the cost

I can't remember your name
You who I loved most
A soul one can't tame
A beautiful ghost