same clothes and the same smell,
same room and the same hair gel–
good handwriting and the fairwell–
every now and then I just feel compelled

to lay in ash and let the heart churn.
to lay in ash and let the scars burn.
to lay in ash in hopes I’ll discern
what the past is yelling with a reverb

same clothes and the same smell,
dead heart lives in a young cell
and the water’s dried in a new well,
could I be the pool that’ll consume hell?

just a drop, just a drop
a drip of time for a broken clock
a moment merry with a single petal
until life’s hands come to cut your knot

but a word, whether auditory or a written letter
whisper to me or pick up your feather
rehash to me a time of us together
or just give detail of the local weather

same clothes and the same smell,
too familiar but I can’t tell
how the notes played don’t produce spells
is it wordplay? Is it truth–

truth is, truth is hidden by a hoodie–
silhouette, water–dirt, very muddy
with confusion, has me seeing blurry;
tears of hope sting, supper’s full of hurting and
the similarity is too concerning…

same clothes and the same smell,
but the voice, no, no the voice fails
and the face lies, quite the fox tail
this is not right, this is not real
–
a wolf in white wool tells me I’m his friend
the teeth in his jaw are bathed in fresh blood
we’re friends from the past and though I thought he was dead
he defeated his troubles like he said that he would (–did he?)

because of slow sense and the charm of his wit
I’m the meal and the victim, defeated in good

same clothes and the same smell but
its. not. You.

You took my  broken heart  into your hands
And tore it into billion pieces
You see the tears that  fall from my face, and
the screams that come out of my mouth
But you didn't care.
U just laughed at me
Because you know in this battle you´ve won.
You fooled me down to the nit and gritty,
Even when I knew you were just using me,
You threw my tore up, bleeding heart on the cold, hard pavement
And left without saying a word
Leaving me there to die alone

You gave me a thousand reasons why,
You made it a mandate that I be with you.
You showed patience and care,
How Could not have believed you.

You painted a perfect picture of tomorrow,
A priceless canvas that would draw so many stares,
I fell for it, And I got glue.
How did I not see that it was all just an illusion.

You drew the curtain, and I saw the dark reality
Although you remembered every word I said,
You never tried to know me,
You 'crammed' your way into me,
Just so you could forget when you had me.

Surely the joke is on me,
You got me so fooled,
You made me think this was a happy ever after,
Clearly that kind of love only happens in fairytales.

You searched to the depth of their profiles instead of searching for my soul.
You scrolled down endless streams of girls who gave you false dreams while I waited in reality.
You showed yourself to a few but never all of yourself to me.
I’ll give it to you. I believe in you and your career more than ever now. You really stuck to your role for an entire year. You made all my worries of you not loving me seem like a myth. You tricked me into thinking my feelings of unworthiness didn’t need to exist.
You won the Oscar for that one in my eyes. Congratulations you fooled me, you can fool anyone now.

<>

she raw whispered, edginess deep in her throat,
combo of delighted annoyance coated in
wary weariness of she-wanted-wonder,
what he wants that I can keep/take?

my untold secrets he knows how?
needy aches unsatisfied uncovering,
his knowings creates unfamiliar needs,
accentuates secretions of secrets discovering

did not ask for revelations without no resolution,
how dare he tense me in private places hid,
my properties aren’t his, my neck, eyes,
tonguing my senses is crazy senseless

this schema, this tracing of a figurine,
braising my body in his, its own sauces,
while perfume of mine unrequested are mined,
taken away in railway cars to his treasure houses

left utterly gagging and gasping
to hell with him, unbounded gone,
to heaven by him, I went bounding up,
giving me that everything I never desired

but only knew him as the my-mysterious,
tales unwritten yet tensed in the familiar,
poems elucidating, all that I didn’t
write, knew,  but never uttered

now, now! all are freely spoke aloud,
outed, foundering, highlighted and now
decomposing me, I’m honestly betrayed by
what he calls the sense, the knowing of the unknown




Friday, March 6th, Twenty Twenty,
2:47am

The words you said , and the way you loved me.
I never questioned myself that you would be temporary.



- I thought wrong.