The depth of his heart,
like a book shrouded in
mysticism,
wonder,
anticipation.
I flip through the pages,
until my eyes grow tired,
and my hand aches.  
The end nowhere in sight.
Whenever I almost put the book down,
I get a tiny insight into his heart.
Playing me like a fool into
short-term satisfaction,
and long-term despair.

lips crisped cold, anticipation
building above and below
any seen surface.
months of waiting culminate
in an awkward embrace,
and two pairs of lips
branding one another
with tenderness and lust.

I play a role not meant for me

They want me smiling, but my heart's in strife,
Behind their words, a hidden world of pain.
In laughter's mask, I play a role so plain,
Yet tears within me, silent as the night.


Their expectations, heavy burdens weigh,
A scripted joy, in sorrow, I reside.
Aching truths beneath the smiles they guide,
I play a part, a role I can't betray.


Behind the scenes, a tale of sorrow weaves,
Unseen by those who seek a cheerful face.
Within the script, my heart finds no reprieve,
A tragic act in this relentless chase.


They ask for smiles, but tears won't be denied,
In scripted joy, my true self can't hide.

To whom ever finds this bottle
My message is to you
I want to say now
I'm sorry If It sounds like I'm venting
But really I just want to tell someone
What's on my mind
And a little about me
But not know who I am telling
For some reason
That is comforting

I myself am not the brightest bulb
And I may make you want to
Hit your head against a wall
Sometimes many in a day
Because I spoke faster than my mind
Was thinking
My mind is weird
For if you ask something of me
I know I can do it
But yet my mind has a panic mode
And in a way forgets how to do it
Or the item you wanted me to grab
I question it for some reason
Even though I shouldn't have

So yea I am not all that smart
Sometimes I feel really ******
And just worse than dirt
And it's hard because I know
I am
Smarter
And better than that

I do have my moments though
Where I don't always think, rather act first
But it manages to put a smile on your
Face and make you giggle
That usually helps to make me feel better
But thinking back I feel dumb
But remember that I made you smile
And so I smile

I try my best to do better
For I love learning new things
And doing anything
That sounds different
Or fun
And an adrenaline rush
I will say yes to
Because that is such an amazing thrill

I may not always make sense
And sometimes I struggle
Putting together my thoughts into sentences
I get there eventually
But I get there

So if you're okay knowing
this little Bit about me
I hope this message
in this bottle
In your hands
Finds me
But if you do not wish
To want to know me
Then toss me back
Message in bottle
for someone new to find

I lost myself
Few years back.
Who am I now?
I can't identify?

I am a person
Who fears all the time
Who doesn't make art
Who doesn't write
Who hardly discovers new places
Or enjoys going out all alone.

Who am I?
Who have I become?
I was not this
Few years back?
I never liked being at one place
Liked going out every other day
With shine in my eyes
To explore and talk to new people.

Who have I become?
Completely quite
And dimmed!

Has this tough times
Changed me?
Is it only me?
Or has it changed everyone?
I can't feel me?
Who am I?
I can't relate to myself
Anymore!

How to find me?
Maybe I should start looking
For me...