Sometimes I wonder why you love me.
I used to think it was my own selfishness begging the question forward.
But today I wonder because when I get on a roll
(and I do, often)
I can start seeing the impatience develop in the corners of your eye.
I don't know if it's always been,
or if just now it's become obvious to me,
but I can see it beginning to irritate you.
All my highfalutin recitations of my latest reading.
All of my internal cross-examination.
All of the stones I turn over and over in my hand - at you.
It's getting a bit much.

But you see I'm just too chock-full of existence
and you are the only vessel to pour it into.
I crave novelty and I can see that you,
instead,
crave peace.
You've watched the world worry over itself for long enough and you want to rest.
I never let you rest.

So then comes the questions again,
why is it you love me?
I am so restless and so curious and so mean.

You complained when the drinks ran out;
Alcohol's synonymous with fun, you said.
I rolled my eyes, presented the concept
Of conversation- you wouldn't give in
And, in exasperation,
I split the bottle on the bone in my leg, shard to shin,
Muttered snidly as I bled,
"Hope you like red".

(Better to be, than keep feeling dead)

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines

I tried to communicate with you
Bared out my soul on my lips and my emotions through my words
Made plain my darkest, most embarrassing insecurities and needs
Not withholding for a moment anything that put me at unease.
I laid my doubts before you: my heart battered, bruised and broken
Craving tender responses, and the gentle soothingness of your reassurance
But words led to arguments, and arguments to distance
As we traded accusations across like terpsichoreans in an impassioned dance
Till suddenly I found myself lonely... and alone
All because I  had dared to dislodge emotional cornerstones
So words no longer became the path to emancipating my emotions
I swallowed up my feelings and let them simmer like a slow-brewing potion
For if you cannot feel my pain, laid plain through my words
Then perhaps you can perceive them in my Silence...

#BlueRain
2017

Hush! there
the silence stirs, flutters--
is so again.
And in the early
mornings air we hear-- again
the sparrow's song.

Scary dream
Mangled screams
But oh how do YOU envision such a scene?
Much different I suppose
Than oh. One of THOSE

Sighing slowly
Ever near
When will I be free from here?
Arms unbound and heart now found
Free to make such awful sounds

up and down inside out
spread me thin through the ground
Cover them up. Hide them true
Sew me up lace the wounds
Send me far far away
In tomorrow, instead of today.


Scary dreams
Mangled screams
Coming from inside
Where darkness makes a hide
Seeping into the shadows
Creasing ever corner

Oh how I wonder
If I should really warn her?