How magnificent she must be
If she could capture his fancy.
How insignificant I am
If he won't even give a ****.

Stains are seen
Then when we are clean.
Faults become sin
From what we've been.
When fortunes are green,
Hearts become mean.

How can I not hate you all
You all live normal
Happy lives
I'm a victim
Of a monster's lies
A monster with blue hair
Led me to his lair
And in return
Desecrated my tavern
I thought I was free
But that monster he...
He...
He
Stole
Me
And took my liberty
I was free
Darkened yet happy
Now I am taint
Brittle dry paint
And you have the gall to be happy
But it's not your fault
You don't know a monster stole me
And you never will
I don't hate you

I envy you all

the entire time She was there I just kept thinking,
“what does she have that I don’t?
Is she thinner?
Is she prettier?
Is she smarter?
Does she have a better personality?” Etc.
So frustrating that i spent so much time comparing myself.
I ******* hate her; but I say that knowing **** well I don’t hate her.
Of course I don’t hate her.
I hate her role in everything that has happened.
I hate the way she played a part in my sadness.
I hate the parts of her I see in myself
and the parts of me I see in her.
I hate the idea of being second best
I hate the idea of not being worthy enough
and instead being left for someone else,
even if they don’t get together

Both our hearts are caught in between
Envy coating us pistachio-green
A varnish not shiny but smooth
Reflecting light the tiniest move
Eye-catching beauty to who dares look
A white pebble sparkling in a slow-paced brook
Containing jealous winds with restraints of ink
Emotions grow faster than you think
What starts as cloudy weather goes from small to bad
Soon a storm of feelings leaves you powerless and sad

the sun caught in my eyes
and
for a minute i was holding you -
holding your hand,
trembling inside
but still as stone outwardly;
safe,
rooted,

my heart gathered love
like eager hummingbirds
collect sap.

i wanted to tell you
then
how every time you leave
another piece of me goes
with you.

because the truth is

i am and
i’m not
jealous.

really,
it’s envy -

envy
of those who
get to see your smile
every morning
while i dream of a day
when it’s the smile
i wake up to.

in my mind
i’ve already said
those three words but
now
i hold them close
to the heart that beats
for the love of you

the heart you carry
next to yours.

time passes by, an hour wasted, an hour I never get back........wasted inside some kind of spiral of depression and fantasy.
I'll watch my life and feelings slip away to nothing as the music I once loved fills my ears with distorted sound that I once loved and sung along to.
it's steady beats hitting my ear drums over and over again but I'm not really listening I slip away into some alter ego character
and I watch infinitely as she enjoys her life as I go farther away from my own world, my brain, my home.
did I ever have one in the first place? a warm happy home No, no I didn't so I thought to create one. One with love and care... warmth that's all I want
but it got boring. So her ran head first into the storm and now she's taken over me.
and I go numb as I infinitely watch as she enjoys her life as I slip away. I'm a shell now not of who I used to be or even a shell of her I am just eyes watching inside and out. I shall sleep forever, lost in the valley of her world unable to let go of her of this mysterious girl who I can't throw away