I feel myself falling down the familiar steps of despair
Each step my breath is taken from me
Each step my strength weakens beneath me
I can hardly hold up my frame as I walk
I feel my legs shake with each step
“Just one step more”
I hear them saying
But I can hardly take a step at all
For I shall step into misery and despair
I feel myself failing
Falling…
Down that familiar spiral that I wished to avoid
An endless well of pain and suffering
I will not take the leap
Rather I shall be shoved in
By words voiced as encouragement
Yet all I can feel is the venom behind them
They say they wish to help me
So why do their words cause me such pain?
Is this love?
Is love just misery?
Is love just pain?
I used to be so happy
I thought I had finally escaped
The bottomless well of pain and suffering
Instead, I have slipped on the last step
I find myself falling once more
I tell myself to hold on
I tell myself to get better
I tell myself I need to do better
My hands slip when I reach out
A hand comes my way to help
I grab on for dear life
Only to find they have dropped me down
The bottomless well of pain and suffering
I know I am loved
I know I am cared for
So why does their affection cause me such pain?
I weep before them
Willing to shed my pride and armor
I am told my tears are ugly
My frustration is hideous
My anger, useless
I do not wish for these feelings
I do not wish to feel at all
I do not wish for anyone to see
Because all they see is the hideous thing I am
A poor pitiful creature
Slowly falling down
The bottomless well of pain and suffering.
