One day
There was
This angry and
Heartless girl
Who died years ago
And haunted the waters
Where every
Twight she swims
Hoping to clean off her
Misdeeds.

sometimes i fear,
the time that is near,
in which i hear,
a mysterious seer,
become sincere,
and i see nadir.

im so sorry dear,
i have to shift gear,
for i saw a deer,
i saw it disappear.

i tried to peer,
but my eyes sear,
it caused a stir,
i shed a tear.

the chaos is clear…

Fold thyself upon the mattress
The cards upon the table
The hand it grasps
Six fingered
And encased in glass
I smoke
Memories of five years past
Numbness of the heart
Tainting the very ego
Breathing the bones
Bequeathing a new wonderment
Animate the dead,
Go and
Reach into the trove and
Ransack the physique
Ruination and
A tear in the psyche
I am gone.
-2019

It registers as soon as I open the door,
a keen foreboding feeling.
An unfamiliarity never felt before
sends my senses reeling.

This is my home, my haven sweet;
yet today it does not belong to me.
I exhale and follow my tentative feet
while I repress the urge to flee.

I feign bravado by humming as I
go check every room casually.
I get more comfortable by and by –
the eeriness wanes thankfully.

i feel like my eyes are puncturing through the tombstones of a life not lived to its fullest. something of the sum of my worth, two holes in my skull that are chock full of air seeping to the brim with thickness and agony, weighs me down in shackles. i am not alone in this place, no, but i am empty, cold and vulnerable and weak, thin and haggard, scraping the surface of living. this—no. this is not living. this is surviving—this is the tightrope wire between surviving and dying—this is, essentially, dying. my mouth is filled with spiderwebs—i speak to no one but myself, hands dry and lips drier, throat raw with a voice i’ve only used to scream.
i cannot scream any more.