#dysphoria poems on Hello Poetry

Lorenzo Neltje Jun 2018

Fog

As I sit, slouched over,
Lady in the black dress tells me,
Sit up
Breathe in slow, now
Into the cup full of water,
The fog in plastic
Like the fog in my head,
Remember what they keep saying,
Someone thinks they're hated
And you don't have the words to correct them
So let that poor boy
Walk away, rejection
Like poison in his heart
Remember my nickname was "poison"
Left arm is limp and dead,
It hurts to pick up anything
Rise and lean on the table,
No,
Don't touch anything
Leeches on your chest,
And everyone keeps noticing,
"My girl"
And the words echo in
A hollow plastic mind
Filled with fog as the water is drained
Hair pulled back or hanging over the eyes
Well either way will stop your breathing
People keep asking, "are you okay"
And lies are just so easy,
Too easy,
Mumble in as many words,
Fine, it's fine,
Pray to hell they don't tell her
She can't know, can't know
Brings you to tears just
Thinking about forcing as many lies again
I'll look in the mirror but won't say,
I don't say "smudged drawing" or "failed graphics",
I see dead weight,
I beg them,
Don't make me take this off,
Don't force me to look at all,
Please

#dysphoria #contemplation #guilt #hiding

Max Jun 2018

Today is not a good day

Today is not a good day
I just don't feel okay
This vessel I'm in
Doesn't feel like my skin
I don't feel boyish
I don't feel girlish
I dont feel neither
And I don't feel both
I hate this day
Because I don't know what to wear today
Whatever I wear won't look good
And laugh, all my friends would
Laugh because they don't know
They don't know of my woe
And that's why today is not a good day.

#gender #dysphoria

Sam May 2018

A Day In The Life: Sam

8 o’clock A.M.
I wake up
I stay in bed
“6 more hours.”
I sleep for 6 more hours
I wake up again

2 o’clock P.M.
Finally time to drag myself out of bed
I sit up
I fall back
Nauseated again
I lay down and stare at the wall
I’ve become accustomed to staring at that wall
I think of all the things I should be doing right now
Something productive
Not sleeping
I feel it again
Good ole’ gender dysphoria
I sob for two more hours
All while feeling nauseated

4 o’clock P.M.
I try not to throw up
It’s my worst nightmare
The weird thing is
That everyday I feel nauseated
But I never get sick
And I never feel better either
I try to sleep it off for a few more hours
This is the fourth day in a row that I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch
Not on purpose
I just forgot to feel hungry
It was covered by all the sick feelings

8 o’clock P.M.
I wake up
I eat dinner
I go to bed
I can’t sleep
I stay awake until 7 A.M.
I finally sleep for an hour
I wake up
Do it all over again

8 o’clock A.M

#depression #dysphoria #insomnia #crying #day #in #the #life #hunger

Zach May 2018

Dysphoria

Looking down at my body
"Whose is this? It's not mine! It can't be.."
Seeing the feminine shape and curves
Seeing the thing that isn't there
Realizing how I really look
Hoping one day, I might just be who I dream I am...

yay i love being trans

#trans #ftm #transmale #dysphoria #gender

Casey Risk May 2018

Dysphoria

They said
“Man the dysphoria feels great today.”
and what I said was “I’m sorry”
and what I wanted to say was “I love you”
and what I mean by that is I love all of you. Your body, may seem like pieces of 18 different puzzles to you, but to me; your body is an abstract picture at MOMA that just needs to be stared at a little longer. Your body, is five feet of curves and stretch marks and beauty that can not be quantified. When I look at you I do not see the crumbling infrastructure I see the built up edifice. I see two legs holding up my world. When you take off your shirt I see the stomach that held butterflies just like mine. When you strip away your binder I look at ******* that may not be the same size but they somehow both fit perfectly in my hands. Your neck, holds the chords to every one of my favorite songs. Your lips kiss me with a ferocity, your teeth, crooked and twisted still smiling at my bad puns. Your nose, you complain is too big but is the perfect shape for me. Your eyes are so dark you say they are black but I see the same color I like my tea. Skin, seared with the comments of either too dark or too light. You see yourself as broken. But I don’t think you’re right.

#body #dysphoria

R Apr 2018

Dysphoria

"You'll be fine,
It'll be okay,
It will get better,
birthname"

They say

If only they knew that sometimes a name is a shackle, holding us to what we've never been and keeping us there until we can admit to ourselves that we've never been fine, nothing's okay and it first gets worse

"Why are you so mad,
Nothing seems to be wrong,
Why aren't you happy,
girl"

They say

If only they knew that sometimes feelings are subtle masks, painted onto our faces with the blood we drew yesterday to hide what we need to say to escape the viscous cycle of hate and tears and figurative death, and emotions are betrayals of what we need to be

"Everything would be fine,
They'd all be cool with it,
Why can't you just come out"

They say
(skipping
my name as the smallest act of a
hand in the darkness)

If only they knew that coming out is something that never goes fine, a delicate balance of worse and worst that makes our hearts beat so fast that cool is no longer a phrase but a temperature we need to reach in order to play our everlasting game of pretend

and

a name is a shackle, holding us to what we've never been and keeping us there until we can admit to ourselves that we've never been fine, nothing's okay and it first gets worse and even when it's not said we can hear it in the air, lingering on their lips like the slurs that we always expect to hear but haven't yet because to slur they need a target, an out, and coming out is something that never goes fine, a delicate balance of worse and worst that makes our hearts beat so fast that cool is no longer a phrase but a temperature we need to reach while the world spins faster and hotter and turning on the fan at night just keeps us up, dreading the dawn where we must once again play our game of pretend like everyone's born how they'll be for the rest of their lives and no one is different from the norm while still being okay

and

we go to Society everyday with a smile on our faces to say

"You'll be fine,
It'll be okay,
It will get better,
birthname;
Why are you so mad,
Nothing seems to be wrong,
Why aren't you happy,
birthsex"

because emotions are like coming out delicate scales of worst and worser and when we can't feel them we get enough cool relief to realize That This
Dysphoria
Is
Crushing
And
We
Can't
Get
Okay

Save me

#dysphoria #help #trans #alone #scared

Weasel Apr 2018

dysphoria

do you know how it feels
to be like me-
to lie and fight the wrongness
of your skin and bones
to feel fake
like an alien inhabiting your own shell
like a square peg in a round hole.
your face is a mask,
your name, a false label.
the most devastating betrayal is
the betrayal of your voice.
other parts feel empty, missing,
broken, burdensome, weak.
an inextinguishable sadness
lingers in your veins-
just enough to sting.

do you know how it feels?

i think you do

you are a human
your body is also a
prison

#trans #transgender #lgbt #dysphoria