The only thing you understand is...

is that I have talent
that i'm good at drawing
But you say

you say to use it in a different way
Well what is different to you
because I sure don't know

You don't understand why I draw
but here is the thing
I don't see my drawings as dark
as negative
as  gruesome

I see it as apart of me
something that I cannot do

You said:
  rip out the negative

I heard:
tear yourself apart

It may seem silly
"it's just a journal"
But my "it's just a" journal
is so much more

I love it

she says draw flowers
draw a house
don't draw that
that's creepy

what she doesn't understand
is that she doesn't know how to draw
how to draw a house
a house with "pretty" flowers

She only understands how to write feelings
they come out as pictures
pictures turn into words

her words are poetry
her words are a song
her words
ARE HER

they help her control what she doesn't understand
What she is still learning

She only knows "dark" flowers
they help her with
what she can't speak

you don't understand
you two see it as a negative
you see it's dark
I see it as art

I don't get how it is negative
I cannot draw and just
keep my mouth closed

You don't understand how this
helps me
makes me;
me

You did not ask
You told me:
  Go rip out all the negative
  and if you can't figure it out
  come back and I'll show you

You asked me something that
I AM INCAPABLE of
you don't know it...

The sea is deep or is it
compare to the deepening
drawing down moon upon it?

she waited for him to erase her
as he put his pencil to paper
and created her
he traced the upturn of her smile
precisely picturing the laugh that proceeded
he sketched out the smoothness of her legs
intentionally illustrating the eagerness inside
he outlined the curve of her shoulders
carefully capturing the sadness contained
he shaded in the color of her hair
deliberately detailing her fallen darkness

in his eyes
she was more beautiful
than she could ever see herself
but with every stroke
she flinched
fearing that only inches away
from his creation
was her demise

I sat down
to draw
a picture
of you.

It grew
so expansive,
so beautifully,

colossal;

I fell in love
all over
again.

sitting outside in the freezing cold with some friends
talking about Disney movies and why we don't like some of them
talking about the flat earth theory and talking about being psychic
talking about how no one likes us and that's why we're not going to homecoming because no one asked
my hands are getting numb and my drawings are flapping in the wind
the teacher is inside and i tell them about a dream i had when i was 6 years old and how i still remember it to this day because it traumatized me so much
and we're just laughing about it but that dream made me scared of the ocean and boats
to this day i will never ever get on a boat and sail out to the middle of the ocean
i only feel safe if i'm standing on the shore
but all this made me realize that maybe i should take chances
maybe i need to do more things
make new friends
because one of the people sitting with us i never met
and she was really cool and i would like to be friends with her
maybe i need to be brave because nothing is going to happen if i'm always just standing in the same place, not willing to sail to new beginnings