I visit the places of doom.
I dig graves for myself,
but there is never enough room.

Running down a long hallway,
I crash into a door ,
the impending doom creeping closer with each breath
I push and shove , and even kick
but the handle doesn't budge
the danger is so close
if only I was able to unlock the door
I could escape
and be free
As it grabs hold of me
it looks me in the eyes
and swallows me up
but before i meet my fate
I catch a glimpse of the keys
which have been in my hands.

Our love
was magnetic-
two hearts that
were doomed
to repel.

Today I woke and couldn't stop thinking
Of fear
Inside the car, it was all quiet
I saw abandoned buildings
With their windows stripped
Bricks gaping like a flesh wound
The streets were empty, unforgivingly bare
All this stony silence
Felt like I was in a ghost town
And I couldn't stop thinking
Couldn't stop thinking
I felt the seconds widen
I filled my heart with poison
Where was I?
I saw all the signs of impending doom
Throbbing and pulsing
And then we just zoomed past it all
There was nothing. Just a nothing town.
Funny how a nothing can hold so much of something
For all my melancholy musings
All I did was go home
And write poems about dead people on the rooftop
Wouldn't you have liked to find me up there
When I went to sleep and dreamed about them once again

the world is a scary place right now
all around looms apocalypse foretold
and I think back to simple times when the villagers mined and farmed unaware the pillagers forthcoming,

does it really benefit us to know whats coming?

is not fear of disaster only an extension of our fear of death?
does she not catch us all eventually?
no matter how hard we fight eventually we will be forced to surrender if we are not prisoner of war
machines breathing for you

your mother's heart beats like the most beautiful song
but you don't know for how much longer
and you don't know what you'd do without her
and you don't know how you'd ever be able to pay the bills or work a trade with your history of anti social behavior and inability to integrate and troubles with authority

yes, indeed we all love to fight it
every single power that be
man will strive to **** God until he surrender
yes he will
and every time he will lose

we all will lose eventually

-

it was Auden and stop the clocks
at age 12 in the top floor of the academy
I felt loss and I understood it
and I knew this is how i could communicate it
the inherent suffering we all feel,
that comes for us all, some more than others

I never really felt good (and that is best for artists after all)
and I always tried to die, likened myself to Plath and tried to martyr myself to the melancholy

dying is an art,
like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well

but what was any of it for? why live a life of surrender?
I believe so much in the beauty of life and people and all things bright and beautiful
the reason death and disaster are so horrific-
because its all just gone and it never comes back and its so simple and I'll never ever understand it
nearly two decades and only now has the passage of time grabbed my head and forced me to look,
forced me so.
I cannot look away no matter how much I want to
and I am filled with so much regret I spent all those years siding with the enemy
poisoning the water that I too drank from
I dont know why I did that
I really dont
I really thought that time would wait for me

I would do anything to stop her walking foreward,
but there is nothing one can do

that is the root of our fall;
no matter how hard we fight it
she really comes for us all

The white banks have risen high.
The smoky powder fills the sky.

Blooms of consciousness are frozen still.
Consequences of dying on that hill.

Time slips, blurs, no longer stirs.
As thoughts dim, and pain confers.

Darkness consumes the glistening tomb.
Life gives in to the doom and gloom.

All will perish
Under the seething,
callous fright.
The insanity within.

A relentless force,
Though cunning and quiet.
A shadow lies
Awaiting its time

Seethe.
         Seethe.
                 Seethe.

Adrenaline
Excitement
A shiver of thrill.

Ignition
           Ignition
                     Ignition

An ember catches
And sets the world ablaze
But the shadows...
The shadows remain

Destruction
            Destruction
                        Destruction

Everything will fall
As the end draws ever close
None can hide
And none are spared

Wail my name in anguish,
cry out in desperate agony,
shriek through silenced mouths,
and I shall burn your spirit to cinders.