Sometimes I think I have a black abyss in my brain that memories fall through and rarely come back from.

One day I woke up with the feeling of excitement because,  although I couldn't  remember, something was going to happen that day. Something that I fell asleep thinking about the night before with anticipation. I went through the whole day ardently thinking about what it was but for the  life of me, I couldn't remember.

And then I realized it was ice cream.
I had bought a pint of Forbidden Chocolate ice cream the night before and I had stopped myself from eating the whole thing at 2 in the morning. I had told myself I would eat it for breakfast the next morning.

It was ice cream. Friendly's  Forbidden Chocolate ice cream to be exact. That was what kept me itching my brain all day fervently to remember. I almost wished  I hadn't remembered. I almost wished I could pretend it was something bigger, something better that I could look forward to for the rest of my day. Something I could look forward to for perhaps even the rest of my life.

Ice cream. It was just ice cream.

I believe people can change. Anyone, in any time of their life can change, but only if they are willing. The problem lies in the fact that most people are not willing to change, they are, instead, trying to change you.

I have tried to reach through their mental barriers, but words only push so hard. I tried to show them videos, certian circumstances, I even took a stand against an entire community, risked relationships with people that I love, people who looked up to me, people that were important... But, I guess, not as important as the big picture I see.

They will always refuse to see my picture and rather show me theirs. I listened, I watched, I read, and I submerged myself in their world, and tried to see what they saw... And I still said "no".

So when I try to do the same, I am not even aloud to bring it up anymore, unless it's from their relm, because they are cowards. They want to believe, not take action. People are timid to bleed, to cry, to feel what another feels. The truth makes them cringe because they don't understand. They don't want to understand. So therefore it's wrong, or it's right, or it ceases to exist.

Change requires action.
I hope you're comfey in your chair.

Carefully laid thoughts had strayed,
      And logic, ideals, tossed away
           Ready and willing, I told you, that day

But you say you don't remember.

The world, it's values demeaned by sins
       Stubborn, I would not follow them
            The love for you, resurrected them,

But you say you don't remember.

One child was enough, I ne'er wanted more
       Until our time together bore
             The thought, with you, a family, "soon"

But you say you don't remember.

You've always had trouble with your memory,
But the things dear to you, always seemed less troubling.
And I can't help but think, If to you, it meant anything.

As for me?                                                                  
I'll always remember.

Every minute that passes is a minute that is wasted (at least in my life),
Happiness is far from where i stand,
Forgiveness isn't close enough to even understand,
Blame is common and unsureness is the world I live in,
Hope is far fetch and with luck I'm usually feeling ******,
Failure is what I'm used to, Disappointment is how it goes,
I never see myself standing,
Just always on my tippy toes,
I used to hold on to everything,
Now I've learned to let it all go, Independent I never was,
Just dependent that's how it was,
The cord was cut Then I fell,
Hitting the floor,
Now I'm crawling along the cold wet floor.

I am hanging onto hope even though there's none alive,
I can tell the answer's no by the look that's in your eyes

This is madness
This is madness
I must let go of my dreams
But I can't kick up the dust, lest I wish no more to breathe.

You told me you still loved me today
My heart stopped
Not because I wanted you to
But because I hoped you didn't
You told me you still loved me today
My head spun
Not because I still think about us
But because I hoped you didn't
You told me you still loved me today
I went silent
Not because I didn't know what to say
But because I remember the days I begged for your love and you left me with only disappointment
You told me you still loved me today
I was sad
Not because I haven't moved on
But because I don't want you to chase after someone who doesn't love you
You told me you still loved me today
I paused
For I was in the arms of another.

My stomach drops,
And you send my head into flops.
My heart stops.
These tears need multiple mops.