ITS EITHER :

i am a self centered *****
or they are too good at pitch

i am going crazy in this sinking ship
or they are seemingly decent lunatics

i am unable to convey whatever i say
or they lack comprehension , message delay.

ITS EITHER SOLO TIPTOE OR PUBLIC TALK SHOW
CAN'T BE BOTH, IS IT THOUGH?

PERHAPS,
IT COULD BE EITHER OR BOTH
PREVIOUS IS SOMETHING  I  LOATHE
BUT LATTER NEGATE POSSIBLE OUTGROWTH.

so i glued myself dreading the worst
with unwilling nerve to scratch the crust
this mystery could be blessing or curse.

this constant feeling of  inevitable doom
consumes me but they know, i assume.

so here i am
In this pickled fiasco staying afloat.
with toneless stern face they gloat.

they talk tall and taller
i feel small and smaller.

I wish my head would stop turning in the direction of my phone,
waiting with batted breath for the writing of text, an indication you're still awake.
I wish I wouldn't fill up with overwhelming waters of disappointment,
because I already know that you won't reply.
I wish you would text me first because I don't want to seem clingy.
I wish I could stop my eyes from glancing at your name every five seconds,
wishing it was a name belonging to a person I didn't want to need.
I wish I didn't miss you so late at night.

Youre triggered everyday
I dont think you even care anyway
That whenever I try to explain why
You dont bother batting an eye

Youre quick to assume
So slow to say hmm
You always hit me
But never say sorry

When I do you bad
Punishment awaits
When the opposite happens
“Sorry my mistake!"

You never ponder
Why I always want to slumber
In my own world
That you always want to crumble

I came from your womb
Dont get me wrong
I respected you once
But now its almost gone

You give me blessings
I dont even ask
You show me kindness
Even though it doesnt last

I dont know if you love me
Even though you show it
But not once
have i heard you say it

Youre very kind to me
But hardly understand me
I dont know if youre for real
Or you just want to play me

It hurts to doubt
I cant say it from my mouth
My love for you is in drought
And i think its about to run out

I dont want to do this
It hurts mecto do so
But i need hope
A reason not to let go

To continue
Even though it hurts
To try
That My hope for you will convert

on’t fall in love with me
I will write about you
In all tenses
Don’t fall in love with me
Once I touched your heart,
You can never unlearn me
Don’t fall in love with me
Unless you plan on staying with me
Don’t fall in love with me
If you will only walk away
But please do
Fall in love with me
And tell me you love me
Write me long letters
With your sloppy handwriting
Drink coffee with me
Read my favorite books
Just love me