I must be
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
a
l

How else can you explain the stubborn butterflies in my stomach?

They are maroon and baby blue, and look like seashells and melodic laughter

You make me feel
ok

I didn't know I was still capable of that

When everything is falling apart
You are the glue holding me together

I don't understand. I thought only God was perfect,
but you are nothing if not perfection

I adore you-
talking to you
and laughing with you
and putting my head on your shoulder
(you said you like it)
and any time I am around you,
just watching you
hearing you
basking in your beauty

You are as beautiful as the masterpieces you create
I wish you were mine
You will never be mine

You deserve the world
I wish I could give you the world
I wish you could look at me the way I
look
at
you

I wish we could be
more
than
friends

That when I want to kiss you so bad it hurts,
I don't have to stop myself
Squeeze my eyes shut
One, two, three
Open
Take a deep breath
and go back to being
f  r  i  e  n  d  s

I love being your friend
(I love you)
I want to be your friend forever
But I want to be the friend you kiss
the friend you curl up on the couch with,
entwined together
sharing a blanket and watching whatever you want
The friend you confide in, whisper in my ear all of your secrets and pain
The friend you let hold you close, and tell you how beautiful you are
and not in a platonic way

Because you are the cool breeze sending shivers up my spine
And you are the Caribbean sun bringing peace and warmth to my soul
You are the crash of the waves against the rapid beating of my heart
You are a multitude of maroon butterflies flurrying in my stomach
You are my siren song, luring me into the pain of loving you
You are my undoing
and it is an honor

Part of me hopes I move on
But another part of me, a desperate and passionate part of me, swears I never will.

And some tiny part of me still holds on to the
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
that you see me the same way

I always knew I was crazy,
but this is just
depressing

Because we're best friends
And you don't have a clue

How I wrap you in a tight hug and find it near impossible to let go
I breathe you in as tears ***** at my eyes
I whisper a goodbye and a "love you" in your ear
Because best friends are allowed to do that
Then, I watch you walk away
as I cry a little on the inside
ok, cry a lot on the inside

I hate school
but I still look forward to every exhausting day
because I get to be exhausted with you
Because you'll be there
and that makes it worth it

Do you even notice me as more than a friend to laugh with?
Do you think about me when you sit alone in your room at night?
Think about my singing, or the way I looked at you when I told you how perfect you are?
The way I tuck my hair behind my ears when I work
Or how I'm always so excited when you ask me for a mint
Or how I trust you more than anyone else?

Do you notice little things about me
like I do about you?

Like how adorable your laugh is, and how it hitches slightly depending on your mood
Your giggle of alarm and delight when I try to trip you and somehow end up tripping myself
The way you examine yourself in the mirror, searching for a nonexistent flaw
How you still ask me about the state of your lipliner, even after I accidentally let you walk around with a bit of it on your chin before you noticed
How you secretly love singing, but are too shy to do it in front of people
How absolutely hilarious you are when people care enough to listen
The way you squint when you draw, turning your head every which way to perfect every line, every detail
The way you flush with quiet pride when people compliment your work

I can't imagine life without you
But I imagine life with you
all
the
time

It hurts to keep this a secret
But you can never know
I refuse to ruin our friendship
It's all that's keeping me sane

It must not be doing a very good job though, because I'm still
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
a
l

I'm Eurydice and you're Orpheus
But now it's too late, because you turned
How will you manage without me, babe?
Without, my touch, my voice, our best days

I lost it all, maybe myself too
I wish that you could turn me into
The happy, the pretty, the best in your eyes
Just to find out that you never needed us

You never needed me, but you're Orpheus
You're a myth and maybe I'm mine too
Funny how I make it up in my brain
The idolized life I want to be in with my babe

Crawl into bed
Sleep like you're dead
But really
Your just deep
In your head.

A dream is a Realm
Where all consciousness
goes to die
And every moment,
Every kiss,
Every fairytale's myth
Is a Lie.

Love is a feeling and a decision to do right by your partner.

However, love is heavy on the decision part because feelings are frickle and mostly dependent on how you are treated or feel at certain points.

Unconditional love is a mirage. Only 2% or less will experience this. What the rest will experience is either close enough to love or not love.

For those who experience "close enough to love", have to keep the engine of love greased by their constant efforts. Else it will rot like a dead plant.

is not wanting to lose you
            really all that wrong?

is wanting to be by yourside
              really such a crime?

is waiting to see you every night
            really that bad?

i dont need you to breathe at night,
    but your scent makes the nightmares
        alright.

i dont need you to have a good day,
      but your smile makes a cloudy day
          cozy and warm.

i dont need your hand in mine,
     but it does make the walk
            easier and bright.

i dont need you.
        you dont need me.
           cant we be together
                 and let love be kind?

two hands we have,
      one for each other,
              one for the rest of life.

is loving you through it all
       a pressuring act?

is wanting the same
            just the delusional way?

do
    we
         not
              deserve
                            a
                            second
                                       chance
                                               at
                                                 light
                                                        in
                                                           this
                                                                 dark?

they want to take my toys away
'cos I won't play the game their way
but they don't understand my vision
see through my eyes of contradiction
the gatekeepers have closed their realm
standing strong for what they believe in
I know they'll never let me pass
they have a hatred that's deep entrenched
I'll carry on regardless though
in my one man delusional show

I didn't want to sleep when I'm next to you
I couldn't dare to close my eyes
Fearing I might have to sleep away my occurring living action dream
I was afraid, I might have to not see you ever again
Like a dream
It might perish

So I stayed awake
Had a closer look at your features
Tender soft looking expression
Squishy sleepy babyface
Lips that I wanted to kiss more
But I hesitated
I didn't want to wake you up

I felt peace for awhile during that day
Your presence brought peace into my personal territory and it felt nice

I touched your face
Poked your nose
Felt your beards with my fingertips
They went rushing to your chest
Your heart was beating fast
I wished the moment lasted longer

I wasn't sure
If I was dreaming
Or daydreaming
Or going all delusional from my madness
But I loved it, every single second
And I wish it could happen again

But then
I woke up again the next day
Feeling
unhappy
Empty
You weren't next to me
08052021

Written on 17th May 2021
Potatoes Sama 💖

Echoes of that lying indulgence
for the ideal world left out in the open;
calls to you.

And due to the loneliest somber room
you've kept yourself as a prisoner,
all you do is try and grip the walls

Forever looking into the lens
with a filter of that serene land in your head,
a dream that you continue...
to live through.

Sensing a presence in my bed
I plead that this is all in my head

My gut wrenches. Heart
sinks
once my eyes fix upon you I dare not blink

Cold, numbness proceeding
I could never prepare for this feeling

You cannot meet my eyes
now they aren’t closed in sleep.

Mirrors to a soul you violated
You ******* creep