Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, it wasn't deja vu, it was a memory of a fantasy I played out in my mind hundreds of times as a little girl, as a teenager, as a woman, finally catching up in real time - a fantasy of a man I would meet someday who would be all I could ever desire in a lover, friend, and husband.

Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, standing 6' 14", I recognized him immediately as the nameless, faceless man I imagined for years and I finally felt alive! authentic! electric!

Three years ago today, the moment he walked through the door, I fell irrevocably in love and I never want to put myself back together again.

Their eyes meet, and out from their lips comes the sounds of stuttered words, fingers unsure, eyes searching, hearts feeling visions that race through their minds. It’s as if this moment was paramount, even though faded memories only led to the time of now. They do no think. They only feel. Their cracked, papery lips never felt drier than before, but as if prompted by a spirit that harboured the edges of their souls, words tumbled out into a thin, fine stream—as if practised through aeons, and memorised by their immortal spirits, eternal in finite bodies, and ingrained within their tired minds, they say, “I’ve seen this before.”

And only their spirits know if it is true.

Watching Trending videos on YouTube,
2 of the top ten videos are dead,
which means I’m watching ghosts,
having deja vu see it seems I’ve seen this scene before,

Rest In Peace Mac Miller,
Resit In Pease Xxxtentacion,
this spirits have be writing frantically,
going for gold or at least an honorable mention,

want to be anything except forgotten,
skin is fresh but core is rotten,
scent of cologne watching Post Malone,
give an interview on Jimmy Fallon,

seems we’ve fallen,
and our idols are a sign of where we’re at,
war never stopped it just changed forms,
from Germany to Vietnam to Iraq,

as the sun sets over San Francisco Bay,
I watch the colors run,
indifferent to the cause and the effect,
nothing’s perfect but the sky always looks so beautiful,

as I gaze out this bedroom window,
in a house I do not own,
just touched down from Australia,
back in The Bay for another round,

taking a moment to reflect,
in my feelings as the sun sets,
and it feels like we’ve seen it all,
even though we know we haven’t seen anything yet,

watching Trending videos on YouTube,
2 of the top ten videos are dead,
which means I’m watching ghosts,
having deja vu see it seems I’ve seen this scene before…

∆ LaLux ∆

Same place, same times,
different colours, no longer black and white.
Texting on the phone, calling home,
being the one resting, your body sank into the floor.
Same anxiety, can't communicate.
Just missing out. Want to be alone...alone?
Can't get out of this shell.
Help me with my mental health....
People has real problems, and I am not one of them.
Sorry for being quiet, despite all your tries.
Sorry for being closed up, locked up tight.
Sorry that the keys dont just fall from the sky.
Confused and lost.
Messy thoughts.
Expectations, sky-high.
Perfection, the "prize"
Losing sight of those eyes...
This big, loving, shining eyes, where you look over me.
Cradling in your arms you sooth me.
Thank you.
Yet again, a similar scene, where you helped me up, and kissed me on the cheek. Yet again you loved me the same each day.
Yet again you show me mercy and grace in every way.
I feel like I experienced this before...
Yet again, it's your saving grace...
Saving me from this dark place...
Yet again you helped me up.
Yet again, I fall down, and still you pick me up, and say " Don't give up!!"
Thank you...God.

I’ve never had a deja’vu moment,
but I could have sworn I’ve seen you before,
after passing you on the sidewalk.
It wasn’t because you had a familiar face,
God knows I’m the worst when it comes to
remembering these details.
It was something in your stardust that
awakened mine.
I’ll never forget you.