December the 31st 2011 is a date I won't forget.
A day filled with misery and full of regret.
Everything was normal as I watched the television.
Then something tore my world apart with a calculated precision.
It started with shaking and a rapid increase in my heartbeat.
I'm not ashamed to admit, I'd almost resigned myself to defeat.
A tight chest sweating and a faint head.
I'd never been so sure that I'd end up dead.
Scared I could die at any moment, I questioned what I'd achieved.
Asking what I'd done wrong and questioning the punishment I'd received.

My tongue feels like lead.
There is a buzzing in my head.
Th lights are too bright,
It's too late in the night,
I just want to leave,
Can you even believe
that I am on a boat?
I'm not supossed to float!
But now I must sing,
for only I can bring
A calm to the sea
These sailors are looking at me
with a new found clarity.
For I can bring them prosperity
all because of my shimmering tail.
But don't worry for I will prevail.
Because with the shinning of the moon.
I will bring them all their doom.

I’ve chosen fight today,
I’ve been choosing fight every single night and day.
I bear the scars now of victories
And the still dripping wounds of defeats.
I’m a fighter now
I fought for me and you.
If I could I’d lay down this spear.
Just to rest for a day or year,
But battles need to be fought.
So I’ll just keep choosing fight instead of flight
Until it’s no longer needed.

Impossible
I try
But to no avail
To trust is to love
And that I cannot feel

It hurts to watch
Others trust
And turn to dust

Eyes closed tight
On a winter night
Cry away
With all your might

I told you
To trust is to love
And that I cannot feel

i'm screaming against windows
in a 4 x 4 room by a crowded street,
anticipating a turn of the head
or slam against glass in wonderment.

i'm thrashing above and under
a crowded pier,
onlookers engaged more
by alcohol and bikini bottoms
than the girl's lungs full of seawater.

i'm sinking into a bed, certain
black moths and butterflies outside
are the only insects interested
in this bedsheet quicksand.

i'm throwing the bird who cries,
wings flapped and gripping the ledge,
overboard to dull any will left
in its blue body.

nobody notices the 150 pound girl,
so who would listen to an animal's forced swan-song?

Many things going on around you.
Clothes hang on chairs, littered
Like valves of the heart hang
By cords in diastole
Waiting for blood
What do you care about?

I have too many clothes.

Defeat is my surmise; what wrought from even the purest intention wilts away by wanton ignorance

Surfeit, the ire of holds past begin to clench my heart with stoic nostalgia

How wise it were to have embraced such depth of heartbreak in all my effort's past; to see the light we must step through darkness periodically.. I simply wish I hadn't need to have done that with you; you were so bright, which lit my path clearly for the first time ever

"two threads cut from the same cloth"

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