I love you so much it hurts

I try to hold back

But in strength I do lack

Cause the tears still come out in spurts



I try to be optimistic

Even though I am crying

I know you'll be fine

My feelings for you are intrinsic



I feel you from far away

My heart, well it dies

A little inside

But my head does still know you're ok



Hopefully now we can mend

I yelled and I tried

You fought and I cried

But I know that this isn't the end



Now sorry is all that is felt

Your face is let down

And I now wear the crown

Of a mother engulfed in guilt

_

Don't worry, I won't tell her about you.
Don't worry, her first word will always be "Mama".

Don't worry, I won't tell her about your deep love for strawberry milkshakes.
Though, she refuses to have milk in everything but strawberry shakes.

Don't worry, I won't bother telling her how good you were at volleyball,
I would tell her its a good sport to play.

Don't worry, I won't bother telling her science fictions are great,
I ask her to just give any of them from the shelf, a read.

Don't worry, I won't bother telling her that she can't bunk classes.
Because she is allowed to but, also read her textbooks later.
Though, she doesn't know how pridefully your attendance used to drop, then.

Don't worry, I won't bother not going to movies with her and yeah, she can choose them,
alternatively.

Don't worry,  I won't bother her to grow up.
She can always have brownies and chocolate ice cream in the middle of the night.
Though, she doesn't know how you used to be lectured for doing the same.

Don't worry, I won't bother asking her to learn singing,
she loves  Jazz dancing.
Though you never stopped moving your feet, to those Irish beats.

Don't worry, I won't bother saying how blowing bubbles and balloons were your favorite pass time.
It's her 16th birthday and all she wants is the party hall to be crowded with red and white balloons.

Don't worry, I won't bother telling her that black is the color.
I tell her that she can always wear black to dates and sometimes, they work out really well.

Don't worry, I won't bother asking her to give me a call
every once in a while.
Because she loves writing letters and mailing them to me.
Little does she know, about your handwritten notes that still hold a place in my diary.

Don't worry, I won't question her choices.
But, will for sure forbid her from falling for a man like you,  
who will soon fall for someone new.

Oh did I forget to tell you, she writes too.

Haven’t been calling like I should or
Visiting like I said I would
Made you cry at dinner cause you said I make you feel stupid
Don’t know why I push and pull you away but if anyone were to ask I’d say you’re my go to
Though I don’t always treat you like it
I’m sorry that I’m your world and that I’ve been so absent
Been trying to figure out who I am without you
But you made me
You shaped me and sometimes I resent your honesty
I love you more than anyone else
I’m sorry that I can’t show you that the way I should

you are the center, the sun in the sky
warming, lighting, guiding those below

you are the core, the hub in the wheel
forming, maintaining, strengthening the circle

you are the earth, the bedrock beneath
supporting, stabilizing, reinforcing our lives

you are the reason for our being, our births, our lives
nurturing, nourishing, caring for our hopes, our dreams

you gather, sort the fruits, roots harvested from the land
tending, stoking, reviving embers smothering in the hearth

your strength transcends your body, your mind, your heart
from the first child, to the last, your love, affection is forever

you cradle, caress, kiss, comforting the child
reassuring, protecting, shooing monsters away

you are the strong, tough, steady woman in our lives
fierceness of a lioness, tender as a kitten, loving her child

When I wasn’t scared
Unafraid of what tomorrow held
When I didn’t care
Who cried who I left behind
Should have done it sooner
While I was young
When I was good enough for it
When nobody mattered
So many ways
I should have done it
Just walked away
Stepped of the deep end
Forgot the world above
Slept in chaos and hatred
Now the only thing I look forward to
Is the day she grows up
And tells me she loves me
For never following through with it

I did not have a chance to reach higher in studies,
I did not have a mama around to encourage me,
I did not have a baba to support me,
These are just the few courageous words I grew up with.

To realize they were words of wisdom,
To lift me up when I am down,
To raise my spirit and determination towards my goal,
Mama, my precious mama, I THANK you.

For all the troubles me and my siblings put you and baba through,
Not to say how many fights to hold our family tight,
How many things you had to sacrifice for us,
The tears,pain and sweat you hid from us,
Mama, my beautiful mama, I APPRECIATE you.

If it was not for your words,
If it was not for your smiles,
If it was not for your strength,
I would not have been the me that I am today,
Mama, my amazing mama, you are my HERO.

To the woman I have become,
To the values I hold thee,
To the morals you taught me,
To the lessons you schooled me,
Mama, my first LIFE teacher, I LOVE YOU.

Take me down to the river to scream
Where the fish are alive in the stream
Where the heart can loudly beat
There we are safe to take a seat
Resting our feet from the fire
We can clearly see our true desire
Let our screams cover it all in black
Do not hold anything back
We used to have silly little fears
But now we face true worldly scares
In a river with only so much water
Let us fill it with the fears we slaughter
In a storm or current that sweep us up
Screaming on to fill and fill, now keep it up
Let it out and release your cares
Let it out so we forget our fears
Move on and enjoy the sweet rush of water
As if nature our mother and we her daughter