You own every single piece of me
Every part
The only one with all of my heart
I have given everything I have to you within my core
I still feel as if I should have given so much more
Because you deserve sun to never set or say goodbye
Deserve not the moon or stars but the whole entire sky
The love you have shown since the day we met
An unrecipricable gift for which i will forever be in debt
There are no words to express depth of my gratitude
Sure you have no clue cause of my constantly bad mood
As hard as I try being someone worthy of your caress
Each tense day that passes you like me less and less
I cannot blame you for dwindling adoration
Hard cherishing a girl who voices no appreciation
I have noticed the difference in behavior for awhile
Remain unable to coax out your smile
I lost the ability to conjure your laughter
It's vanished along with happy-ever-after
The years spent making love feel like a dream
Unsure if I am remembering wrong
Was it as amazing as to me it seems?
Gone are moments we were free from fear and cares
Happy as long as the other was there
Now all we do
Argue and fight
Pretty sure you're starting to get sick of my sight
I leave marks on surface of your magnificent skin
Drawing blood out
You won't let me in
Scratching hopes I'll somehow break through
If I dig my nails deep enough I'll get to the real you
I do not want to hurt you but I can't seem to stop
The things you say leave my head spinning like a top
I have explained before you have nothing from me to hide
The sole element I need is for you to let me inside
You have never given me a full chance to be understanding
In the past I was strict and demanding
But that was back before I knew what forever was like
Sweat and shake when those withdrawals strike
You have seen me change so drastically
Over time
I'm not even the same me
And even when I would express aggravation
Forgave each mistake without hesitation
For I had known certainly you were "The One"
Locked eyes and right there my search was done
Our romance has survived lots of ups and downs
Used to wear mostly smiles but they've switched to frowns
I am the reason why it's difficult to get along
Finally realized it's me who's in the wrong
For so long pride has rendered me blind
Justifying words no matter how unkind
For every hurtful action came up with an excuse
Truly believed you deserved the abuse
For damage you did and the lies you told
That doesn't give me the right to act cold
You have served your sentence:
A year spent on your own
A prison I built and left you in alone
As punishment for tears you made me cry
Slowly breaking my heart
Not telling me why
For the fraction of life I wasted in chains
I washed different parts of myself down the drain
But wasn't you drowning my sorrows
Hand pouring remorse on not just today but all tomorrows
Haunted unforgettable pain
Memory of what no longer remained
I attempted to seal sadness within
No one got a glimpse of the agony within
I was sure would eventually go away
I ignored the ache and pushed through it each day
But the longer I pretended was just fine
Crazier it drove me knowing you weren't mine
Tortured by the fact was the one who chose to leave
To deceieve myself thinking you would change was plain naive
But truly believed you were ready to be done
It came as a surprise when after me you didnt run
I assume it is because i acted like I moved on
Too wounded to let witness my distress with you gone
Determined to never go through same ordeal twice
Trusting nature i was forced to ultimately sacrifice
I put up walls
Blocked ricocheting echoes of your voice
That's not all I barricaded out with my choice
In order to be unshackled from terrible fear
Hope and happiness also had to disappear
Solitude was total freedom at first
That relief quickly turned into a curse
I noticed resolve diminishing bit by bit
Something missing from my world and you were it
I yearned for moments of comfort and bliss
Magic contained in your enchanting kiss
Irresistible drawn to despite what you lacked
Caved and despite my instinct took you back
No one else could possibly make me feel the way you do
I accepted a relationship where my heart stays torn in two
But problem is we've had too much room to grow
Into people hardly recognize but know
I am still Amanda and you are still Paul
Infatuation has not wavered at all
But I have grown bitter
Full of anger
Who is responsible for morphing me into a stranger?
A glance in the mirror shows a twisted reflection
I can't pinpoint the exact imperfection
I feel ugly and unworthy of love
Far away from my image I forcefully shove
Why do you tolerate violence and greif?
Patient when in return offer no relief
If you saw the picture I've become you'd depart
Before once again I leave pits on your heart
You hold me in devoted embrace
Piercing with the fearful expression on your face
You love me (at least promise you do)
I cannot fully trust though I try to
I cannot comprehend a single trait you see
I am a screaming mess and you stick around me
You are a miracle that through darkest hours shone
Truthfully very best guy I have ever known
A confessional i wrote a long time ago
