I'm lying here staring out the window,
The ground is not moving and
The house is not shaking.
Silence fills the air
Broken by the odd neighbour talking,
Not screaming,
The odd car purring past,
Not exploding,
Or the odd child laughing as the play,
Not crying
As they die.

I don't lie here on rubble
Or choke on dust and ash,
I know where my friends and family are,
And I'm not exactly strapped for cash.

I'll sigh this evening about work tomorrow
But at least I know I can get there in one piece,
That the building will most definitely be there and that the children I teach
Will arrive safely with all that they need,
And while we might groan about the daily grind
There are people, human beings, in Aleppo,
To whom that is all a distant memory in their mind.

Hopeful of life's graces
at the same time withered
and stuck at bay.
So I danced with the shadows;
played with cold snow.
Reached for the heavens
to rain patience into this tired heart.
For one sparkle, one smile or maybe one purpose;
but for now I go the mile.
Going on thinking
that maybe now isn't just the right time.
Though time was nothing but spiteful
always landing to something that isn't right.
out of desperation
of maybe's and might's
still hopeless and still lost
In the coldness of night.

Hey, O knight in shining armour
Rescue my soul
The one that whimper your name in vain
Entangled with failure and remorse
Take me ashore

Hey, O knight in shining armour
Are you listening?
My heart grunts in pain
Won’t you pity me?
I know my faults
My ego is bigger than your pride
Let me be clear I am a monster in disguise
**** me. My soul wants to get rid of me
Trust me, the world will be in a better state without me
I have killed the good in me
I am a murderer, you see

There is nothing you can do to help me
Don’t change yourself for me
I have brought disgrace to myself
Dare you look at me with those merciful eyes?

Please take me away from this world
Where I slaughtered my dream, my hope and my passion
The darkness inside me has eroded away the light
Past and present has taken away my future

I don’t want to live anymore
There is nothing left for me to say
You heard me loud and clear
Grant my only wish
You know my present state
Free me before it’s too late

there is no poetry in this,
in the cold cascade of misery upon misery
upon anger
in teen hearts and
brittle limbs,
eyes red and tired and
sleep forgotten in alleyways and
empty glasses.

They robbed us!  

The one’s that told us what it means to be men…

THEY LIED!!!  

They told us feeling is wrong.
And they taught us to be STRONG is to be silent.

"Build a pit," they said, "make it so deep that a lifetime of emotion can’t fill it."  
And we oblige.  
But we know it’s there…
The stench keeps us up at night.  
The fetid fumes cloud our vision;
The windows to our souls opaque to the outside world and those we Love, those we want to reveal ourselves to.  

Meanwhile, inside, we’re clawing at the glass with bloodied hands.  

                                       GOD HELP ME!!!
                                                                ­I want to be free of this!!

See me!  
                                               I’m a human being!  

I have hopes,
         I have dreams,
                I have fears,
I feel sorrow, I know regret, and I believe in redemption…
but all of this...
It's for someone else… someone weak.  

What a lie!
So delicious we swallowed it whole—a bitter pill dipped in honey
Given us by those we love,
                                    by those we trust.  

The poison works through us,
                                         unrelenting,
T w i s t i n g us, turning us against one another…

No emotions!  
Not here!!  
You’re a man!!  
Be a man!!
**** it up!!!
          **** it up until it chokes you!!!
                   **** it up until you can’t feel anymore!!
                             **** it up until you’re dry and broken!!
                                       **** it up until you forget...
What life was and what death is…
              
                               **** it up because that’s what men do.

They corrupted our legacy
They stole our future.  
And we let them do it.  
We helped them do it.

AM I told what to think? Without gaining knowledge on how to think.
AM I taught how to feel? without understanding why I feel.
AM I raised in what to believe?  Not given the freedom in what I want to believe.
AM I told what to be?  Without allowing to simply be.
To know thy self is to gain understanding and knowledge of self. That is to individually and authentically  find who I am and what my purpose is .
How do I gain knowledge on what I retain in my mind including:    subconsciously and consciously
and how do I learn to understand my emotions, feelings and hear the purpose of my soul
physiological identity crisis in me is so surreal that I do not how to be real

as the time ticks and tocks
i can hear the ever-present
laugh of death and
the cries of life
they speak to me through
the darkness between the
sun falling and rising
they tell a story of
each other battling
for a correct beginning
or a suitable ending
but much like the
change of seasons
neither can decide
which has the ultimate
power to convince
the other of their worldly
powers against us