You become
Broken
After you lose the people
You thought would always be there.
There's always a part of you
That doesn't work quite right
After they leave you in shambles,
And even though you want to forgive all of them,
Sooner or later
You realize you shouldn't.
It's a fact of life,
That you become
Fiercely protective
Of people you thought you were going to lose
That you didn't.
Whether it be your mother
Who overcame all odds,
Or your brother,
Who didn't--
But is here anyway,
Because there's a reason he's here
There has to be.
Or people who wander around
Back into your life,
And you realize,
There's a reason
For him too.
But overcast days like today,
With all this rain and cold,
Remind you of the people
You couldn't will back into your life.
The people you didn't reach out to,
The person you didn't help.
And the guilt eats away at you,
Because what are you supposed to do?
If you could change it,
You would. A thousand times over.
But you can't.
Everyone says it's unfair to blame yourself,
But this year you're turning twenty two,
And well--
He isn't.
When people are ripped from your heart,
You become fiercely protective of who you have,
Because you are vividly aware
How easy it is to lose someone.
And you close your eyes,
And remember your mother's tears when she read a card
From her favorite of your cousins,
That went on to say how wonderful she is,
And how excited he is to meet you--
And then he was gone too,
Not a week later.
But you remember him,
And maybe it was the pictures and the stories,
But you remember him.
And everyone says it was just an accident,
But his words written in red stir something inside you,
Something all too familiar for it to be comfortable.
You push the lump in your throat away.
And then you think of her.
She was bright and lovely,
Full of life, full of love.
Wore lots of pink ribbons
In her cascading black hair.
She was so little, so young.
A child.
And that summer you went home,
And she needed you
And you weren't there
And you should have been there
But you weren't
And no one believes you
And no one wants to hear it
But it was all your fault,
And you can't bring yourself to deny that something is out there anymore,
Because if there's nothing out there
Then she's gone for good
And you can't cope well enough
With that.
Allow yourself
To become compassionate
Allow yourself to become
Protective
Of the people you love.
Reach out, open up.
You only have so long.
I missed her birthday this year. I didn't even make mention of it. She would have been sixteen.
Every time I listen to that stupid Taylor Swift song "Ronan" I think too much and then this happens.
