as the mists of night rise,
I can see the faint illusory white light
in the distance, gleaming beautifully
like an oasis in the middle of the desert

I get up from my bed and open the window
tears welling up in my eyes, dissipating sorrow
suddenly, I saw life as it is and it was wonderful
I haven't had as terrible a life as I had thought

Isn't it funny how life is but a fleeting moment?
I can't say that it isn't filled with harsh torment
But happiness isn't too few to mention too
Life isn't always all shades of the color blue

I rest my head on my pillow again
Still, in my chest, I feel the subtle pain
But tomorrow is a new day
and, perhaps, the beginning of the end
of all this terrible pain I've endured.

Sometimes the happy sounds of my life
Start to blend together.
The quiet growl of my dog
When she’s signaling to me
she is all at once
Comfy
Yet fierce.
The deep rumble of my husband’s snore.
Signaling to me
He is all at once
Safe
Happy and
Loved.
The hum of the microwave
Saving us once again from the pains of cooking
After a long day apart.
Its chime signally to me
All at once
I am comfy
Yet fierce.
I am safe.
Happy
And loved.
All I have to do is listen
All at once.

Time is abundant, where patience is not.

finally
    a moment
  comes
delicately
to sit
  relaxed
  in quiet
   peace.

I close my eyes
to hear
what is in the silence.

beautiful summer rain
soaking
the trees
an the old metal roof
sings along
with unusual songbirds
this year
creaky aluminum
bends in temperature changes
a door sways
back an forth
gentle rhythms
all together
a benevolent band
wet parachuting droplets
bursting on impact,
a soft howling wind
accompanying
their tune.

my ears hummmm..

with vibrations,

apparently
I only hear
when I listen
so intently to life.

which is something
I need to do more often
to be honest
amongst the utter
chaos an confusion
I am currently in.

contentedness for me
is a destination I seek.

it is then-
it is then when I find my ZEN,
where I can honestly be
I honestly am
appreciative
for even
the pain
that I have felt.

that I've endured.

that I have persevered over.

why?
you might wonder?

I think it is simple-
cumulus clouds provide rain,
rain provides water,
water is life.

I am water,
an therefore
I wish to be.

Spirit, yearning so
waves, the cherry blossom hangs
so high; so my love.

An addiction to the color named red,
An affinity to feelings of dread,
Like waterfalls and raindrops, I feel drenched,
Clothed in a gown of crimson red is death.

Hemophilia causes excessive blood loss,
Just by being touched, you bloom like a rose!
Like roses with thorns that bleeds it's color.
To me who's bleeding out, "You're just a pose!"
I scream out with anguish, a quiet pause.
I lay in a pool of ****** dolor...

To me, you're lips are just like spikes and thorns,
With flowery words born from blooming roses,
As if an explosion of gray matter,
Were your poems that made me bleed all-out.

To grasp the space between your fingers
would be much too big a handful
for someone who has only ever held before
explosions from hands
which closed too soon

To understand the breaths between your words
would be a story far too deep for a person who
has only ever heard before the echoes of
shallow water wells
whose drains let out too soon

Though having but a drip of your presence
in my world pool has created a current
where I could happily drown in all of the
future waters but I can't bare
to keep living like that