I often speak in silence,
when words are too loud,
and the world around me feels
like too much,
a symphony of voices I can't tune out.

"You’re more than you know,"
you said.
But the mirror doesn’t see
what I’ve hidden in the corners
of my own heart—
the fear,
the longing,
the doubts that won’t stay quiet.

“I miss you,”
you whispered,
and it felt like a promise
I could barely hold onto
but still wanted to.
How do you love something
you don’t believe you deserve?

I wear a mask,
my smile is too practiced,
my laughter just a little too loud
to drown out the questions,
the insecurities.
“You’re everything I could have wished for,”
but what does that mean
when I am still learning
how to be enough for myself?

In the quiet, I wonder
if I could ever be
the girl you see me as,
so strong,
so sweet,
yet I break in places
no one can see.

“Take my hand,” you said,
but I’m afraid my own hands are shaking.
How do I give you the world
when I am still trying
to understand it myself?

“You’re breathtakingly amazing,”
but I wonder if you see
the cracks where I am still
a little girl,
waiting for someone to tell me
it’s okay to be both beautiful and broken.

“I miss you even after just a few hours apart,”
and maybe,
just maybe,
this time,
the love I feel
can be enough
to fill the spaces I’ve let empty for so long.

You deserve a poem but
Words cannot find the way out,
My heart is so full of lines,
But it won’t say it out loud.
You deserve a whole novel
With your name on every page.
Even pens refuse to write
As if my hands are cuffed in cage.
I would write a song for you,
An ode to your charming voice.
Pity, don’t have words to sing,
Noise is too loud to out-voice.
Maybe I could paint your picture?
But I am horrible at that,
I have such an inept hands
To reflect such piece of art.
Is there any way to show
What my poor heart has to say,
Tell me what else left to do
To free my mind of this weight?
Maybe… maybe I could just look at  you?
You would read it in my eyes…
Silence would sing you a song
Or stare in awe, guess, otherwise .
Then maybe I close my lids?
You could feel it in the air,
My heartbeat would tell it all,
If it could. Guess, wouldn’t dare.
Well, then, I’ll just search for words,
Though they’re not easy to get.
And I will write them just for you,
Although I don’t know you. Yet…

26.10.24

to the boy i met years ago.

the first fact i learnt about you was that we share a dominant hand. that alone had me sold. i sat and watched as you fell in love with a star. a star who did not wish to shine in your sky. and that, that told me a lot about you. i spent many nights wishing to be that star, wishing to be the one your eyes found in the sky. but i could not blame you, she was magnificent, a true masterpiece.

seconds, minutes, hours - time flies and yet you still cross my mind. i have learnt a few more facts about you since then, gathering them like clues in a fun little game we play. where you are the mystery and i the detective. where you are the muse and i the artist. where you are the confession and i the penitent.

if the forsaken time comes for you to find my words, may they linger on your mind as they lingered on mine - never to be spoken of again. for if they are recited i would be forced to think christ himself heard me in that booth and darling, you and i both know that isn’t true.

Sometimes I want to save the whole world from loneliness.
But I know that I have to start with myself.

Y yo se Que no me vas a comprehender
Pero como te digo que te amo
Los días pasan y—
“Oh hey! Yeah ofc this seats open”
Tus ojos tan perfectos
“I didn’t expect to see you…since you’re always busy”
¿Pensaste en mi?
“You’re such a caring friend, you really didn’t have too”
I like you…where I wanna tell you
Pero Nunca vas a saber
Tantas horas pensando que existe la posibilidad de que me ames
But you’re just a friend
“Let me get snack, you want anything?”
“You don’t have to “
Pero haré cualquier cosa para ti
“Mari.”
“Hm?”
“What did you say”
“Oh nothing, just ok”
“But you said you’ll do anything for me…so tell me.”
Frozen in time, for once I’m at lost for words, ironic
“Since when…?”
“Since you started hanging out with that hockey girl again.”
Sonrisa tan Bonita
SÍ, te voy a decir que te amo
y tal vez no me quedó tan solita

I'd love you with my eyes closed
No not because I want to
Its just that I would
If suddenly
Everything went black
The sun and the stars

I’d make your voice my light
And the softness of your skin my place to hide
From the dark

And I’d tell you about your soul
And that even without light
I still see you

"Ummm... I like you," she said,
her voice a trembling whisper.
Beads of sweat glistened on her brow,
breath uneven,
her heart pounding like fragile thunder.

She stood in quiet stillness,
anticipation pooling in her eyes,
her gaze fixed,

And then, I felt it—
a rush of warmth blooming in my chest,
nerves tangling with wonder,
as if her words were rewriting my very being.

For a moment, time stood still—
and that was when
I felt spring in the winter.

Hello sojourner
You, walking down the freeway
Did you **** a man last night
before riddance took him on his own time
Did you come out of the womb and become a holy judge

I can tell by the look in your eye
You dream of building a house on hard shells and salt mud
Down the shore on the ramparts
to drink from the debris and float in the cyclone
You don't cut your flesh
But you feel, every time the tide hits the rocks

Goodbye sojourner,
Are you done with the mountain?
Did you watch a bird of prey as it glides,
and envy the freefall more than the flight?

If I told you I rooted out time  
Held it by the horns, knocked it out
A lifetime landlocked, would you go gentle?
On a pinnace, through the gulf.
You would go a sailor,
moored into the chasms below

You are what you eat
And you write what you read.

I have never read the greats
Except an occasional poem for class,
And I feel like a heretic for saying that.

I’ve never willingly
Read Shakespeare or E.E. Cummings
But instead:

I read the words of online poets
Consuming their ink—
Or should I say pixels?
I graze their crimson lining as they
Turn themselves inside out to
Let the whole internet see.

I rise with the wave that they weave with their words
And then when it crashes, when it crashes down
I go under as if drowning was velvety soft and I
Let it wash me onto the shore.

You are what you eat and
You write what you read.

Rarely do I read stilted lines and perfect form
So I write like a mess and a surge and a storm.