The hurt and pain you caused me

I was silently pleading for your attention
A little more of embrace, warm affection
But you blatantly ignored me
As if I was a ghost; I didn't exist
Is it my fault, though?

The truth is plain to see: You forgot to love me
I couldn't take it anymore seemingly trapped in a web
The endless karmic cycle of unhappiness and misery which I weaved

Until I saw a shimmering light
A flicker of happiness which blinded my sight
I saw hope and brightness in the arms of another
A love that was much more pure and real than you've ever shown me
I then knew what was missed in my life
I've found new love and they treat me better and gave me more love than you ever would or even could

Yes, I lied....
Yes, I cheated....

But in the end, I'm not the one to blame

Yes, i believe you,
I always believe your stories.
You would never lie to me.
You always tell the truth.
I trust you with my life.
Wait, what is this?
What are they saying?
I dont understand.
You are a liar?
What is the pain I feel?
Why have you stabbed me in the back?
Friend?
...Friend?

You give him love, now what?
You give him trust, good luck!
You give him your time, now you can't unwind.
You bare your sole to him, now you see.
He doesn't love you, he is confused.
He has no reason not to trust you, But he has cheated on you!
You carry his child, all the while he says pretty words to someone unknown.
You fall deep into despair when you become empty with no child to spare.
You try to trust but you can't get past something from the past.
You try to rekindle and recoup but find that he has fallen out of love with you.

She still doesn't know
The things you said to me
The way you lied and used me
The way you said the things that we could be
How you made me feel?
Like was any of that real
We lied and acted like family
While secretly you wanted to bang me
If she knew would she hang me?
I bet she would be mad
But honestly I find this sad
The fact I can't tell her
The fact I still after all this time care for her
She's still like a sister
Even if she's with a crooked mister


(This is for a friend of mine and how she feels. Sabrina I hope you get over this guy girl is been months. He obviously chooses Melissa)

he said

there's something haunting about your scent

it clings to my clothes and my sheets and my neck
my hand
that rested gently on your hip...
it echoes the retreating ghost of you
and i catch a note of it
when i try to sleep at night
my eyes closed
remembering my face in your hair.

and now there's not a silence that fills enough of me to push you out
you stand in the middle and reverberate through it
no quiet moment able to dissipate your form.

you crash through the boxed up rooms in my head and rearrange
******* those sentient summer memories that i can't shake
pouring them into hourglasses that replay
replay
replay.

find your hair on the seat of my car and
your mascara on my pillow and
your shoes under my dresser and
the love you imprinted resting under my collarbone,
seared into my flesh.

and i wanted to say
although i feel nothing
i know i should feel
sorry.

Now you'll know the pain
That tore me apart
How do I refuse?
You did throw me in so deep
You were never what you used to
I'm thinking we're even now

Regretting days are over, finally
I saw you suffering
Still my heart beats so gently
I don't know where I am
We were meant to be together
What you've done was so cruel

I didn't care much
When you said, just a friend
Then once I saw you both in my bed
Covering your ******* with guilt
How do I forgive?

I loved you
every single day
especially those nights
you ******
other men
You're better than me
but you kept coming
back for more

I can't believe i'm actually thinkin bout leaving you. There's not alot i'm afraid of but that's some **** i'm unprepaired to do. I never thought i could see and end where i'm not right next to you but i've cheated yet again and so i think i've ended up ending up without and end with you. I'm a fool. I never should have fell for you. I hurt the ones i love so never will i lay sight to you. I'm sorry for all the things i've done i never ment them hurt to do . You're still my little baby girl even if you hate me please don't hurt yourself. All that i want is to see that smile on your face but there's things that i can't give you so it's best if i put some space. Ain't no way i'll say this to your face. It'd **** me if i was in your place so imagine how it feels to be the one that was suppossed to be your protector b! You were my ****** family! You built the walls of this house all around of me! I never ment to hurt you but thats all that i can seem to do so later i'll take a shot or two and let the pistol wring a few until my skull's split into two and maybe then i'll forgive myself for who i became. My ******* fall to fame.

I am no saint but I'm not the only sinner