I saw you tonight for the first time in months. Your hair was shorter and your face was covered in stubble, I’ve never known you as anything but shaggy haired and clean shaven, it was yet another reminder that I no longer know you.

You wore a dad hat and pink T-shirt, clothes I never would’ve recognized you in, but you still wore your worn down converse like you did when we were almost us.

You’re quieter now and your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. What once made you laugh until you cried now leaves you stone faced and I’m beginning to question if I ever knew you at all.

I still miss you, but it’s easier to miss you when you’re no longer the person I fell in love with. It hurts less to look at you and remember what we had when I know it’s no longer possible to love you like that.

I hope that you’re still happy. I hope you continue to laugh until your stomach hurts and watch ****** reality tv until the sun comes up. I hope your days are filled with far too many iced coffees, ridiculous twitter threads and indie music.

Tonight I said goodbye to the boy I fell in love with, in his place stands the boy that broke my heart many months ago. I don’t know where you stopped and he began but I think it’s time to move on from you. You’ve evolved into a different version of yourself and as much as I miss the person that completed me he’s nothing more than a memory to mourn.

It hurts, every time I hide the fact that I still like you.
It hurts how my heart is still hoping for that chance,
and it hurts that I know you only talk to me when she can't.

She's desired by millions
But acquired by losers
She's survived those losers
But she still has bruisers
Reckless in who she chooses
Stubborn and pain oozes
From the greatness that she callously
Disregards
For she is broken in the heart

The sun is so bright, hurting my ******* eyes.
But what compares to your icy blue eyes?
Your hair shines a shade of heavenly gold.
They type you find ingrained in an old Victorian home.

My eyes meet yours, my cheeks turn rose.
You smile and I laugh.
Telling me about the girl next door.
I think how could be like her, can you not see I’m trying to be her?
I want so desperately for your attention, but how can you when I’m only the girl you come to when your lonely.

I’m waiting for you patiently.
I thought you were done with this phase, I told you she’s no good for you.
Can’t stand the ****** affection.
She’s such a attention seeking *****.
But she’s my friend, and I care for her more.

A kiss behind the shed.
Hide under you parents bed.
A holding of hands, but we’re only friends?

Don’t wanna be with this guy, but we’re grown up.
Time has passed us by, and its time for me to grow up.
You still linger in my mind, wonder if you think of me time to time.

Gotta act happy at your wedding, you married your middle school crush.
Hope you think I’m happy.
Nothing will ever compare to the nights with you.

I think I loved you.

where does love go?
when that deep immense feeling of belonging
dissipates like a mist in an ocean breeze.
does it gently fade away, as it evaporates in the sky?
is it remembered?
does it still exist?

bless thy heart,
thy soul of a broken art,
treachery kept them apart.

for the love i seek,
was only a meek,
its proclivity was of a tainted creek.

Hear that noise?
What noise?
That lovely voice.

it's calling me,
but i cannot see,
yet it became my melody.

oh, a tremendous conspiracy,
fooled by the one i held dearly,
the voice - darkness suddenly felt nifty.

and so i shall live,
and so i shall dive,
to a love he had deprived.

when all is well,
no one can tell,
for how badly i fell.

glad, i didn't die,
tho devoured with your lie,
yet, no, you can't make me cry.

I used to be whole
Now i'm far from it
The things that have happened
Are nobody elses fault.

It's all my fault
The way i am
Things that i have done
And failed to do

When i look in the mirror now
I see a forever heartbroken,
Incompetent, stupid,
Mentally ill teenage girl

When i look inside myself
All i see now
Are the broken pieces of my soul
That will most likely never be put back together again.