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sarah Dec 2017
today didn’t go as i planned.
i lost control around 10:00 am
when i felt as though a lung had collapsed
i had to take a (not-so) quick breather
in the stall of the girls bathroom
where i sat on the cold tile floor
i wanted to cry but no tears came
i wanted to scream but i couldn’t make a sound
i wanted to call you but then i remembered
so i sat there surrounded by the emptiness
only sound was my heavy breathing
and the a.c. clicking on and off occasionally
i wish i could do that with my emotions
turn them off when i get too cold
Justin Nov 2017
I'm dropped here
Into this mess
I'm trying my best
But it's not enough
It started to hurt
But I have to keep going
I'm not allowed to stop
Until I am accepted
Even if it hurts
I have to go
I am hurting myself for the sake of acceptance
OnyxSea Nov 2017
The shattered world vanishes beneath thee,
the emptiness, now pervading within me.
I see what was once there before,
now ceasing to be there at all.

What I once called,
my life and my family,
the cornerstones of my very identity,
turning into dust, a part of my memory.

Even this, ceases to be,
what was "forever", now just a "could be"
time erodes all that I deem,
important to no one, except me.

Yet this breaking,
deconstruction of worlds,
changes my perception,
for good or for ill,
into something beyond,
becoming adjourned,
into a part of something, new it may be.

My ideas begin to break,
my thoughts begin to shatter.
What was important, now doesn't even matter.
I recall a time, things were important to me,
now no different than the dust beneath me.

I then pay attention, to what is void and apparent.
The unchanging past, and the future in development.
I see what was broken, will be made anew,
and that there is nothing that won't be so.

Breaking my mind, breaking my soul,
breaking the heart that tears me so.
Overwhelming the part constituting this "me",
what then dies, is now reborn to see.

Of a time once past,
of a future yet to be.
Of a wholly new perspective,
rich as can be.

Our lives are such,
a deconstruction of the past,
to make a better future,
for every one of us.
Arasynya Cain Aug 2013
I never thought I would be the one who was broken.
The one clinging to the last hope of something solid.
I never thought I would be the one seeing my family ripped apart.
Gnashed and clawed by the beasts of sin.
I never thought I would be this scared.
Having no honest clue of what I was supposed to do.
I never thought i would have to beg for help.
But still be ignored by a friend.
I never thought i would lose my love.
But hardship can make even the strongest bonds wear thin.
I never though I would lose my passion.
But mostly I never knew this pain,
could bring it all back.
Chase Alexander Nov 2017
Im the type of boy
who can be do **** down.
You all see this smile,
But I just see a frown.
If you look right at me,
Look into my eyes.
Do you see depression
and all my sacrifice?

Cuz I am broken and I'm dead inside.
Can you make me happy?
Can you make me feel alive?
Cuz I am broken and I'm dead inside.
I always try to hide it.
Tell me can you find it?

I wanna go.
I want to just break down.
Turn off the lights
and watch me cry.
All you see is me
fighting to believe.
I try to make it look like
I'm as happy as can be.

Tears run down my face
and you come to me.
Try to stop the tears.
All you want is to make me feel happy.
And the feeling of you here with me
makes me happy for a moment,
but I'm back once you leave.

Cuz I am broken and I'm dead inside.
Can you make me happy?
Can you make me feel alive?
Cuz I am broken and I'm dead inside.
I always try to hide it.
Tell me can you find it?

I feel like it's ending.
I'm in so much pain.
Every night I lie awake
screaming out your name.
Will you come and find Me?
Make me feel alright.
Come to me and hold me.
Hold me oh so tight.

Cuz I am broken and I'm dead inside.
Can you make me happy?
Can you make me feel alive?
Cuz I am broken and I'm dead inside.
I always try to hide it.
Tell me can you find it?
Bella Nov 2017
Hold my hand
sit near me
let me sink into your lap
just please don't leave me alone with my thoughts
or lack thereof

You see,
if you leave.
my head will not scatter into a million deadly shards
it will do quite the opposite
it will collapse

whatever you do, don't leave me,
not now.
you see if you leave
I lose my sanity
I lose my restraint

the second you turn your head and walk out that door
my eyes will well
my heart  will lose its rhythm
My hands  will shake
and my breath won't be able to claw its way up my throat anymore.

You don't have to say anything
you don't have to do anything
just please don't leave
I'm scared of what happens when you leave --
please don't leave...
Seema Nov 2017
No matter how much I do
No matter how hard I try
No matter how many nights I lay awake
No matter the struggle I face
It's still not enough
Not enough to put on a smile
Not enough to console a heart
Not enough to be loved
Not enough to be by your side
It's an incurable epidemic
The flow of my tears are evidence
The shades under my eyes do tell
That no matter how much I do
It's never enough
I have done so so much lately
Yet there is so much more to do
I just keep pushing forward
No matter what comes by
I just hope I don't BREAKDOWN!


©sim
Nicole Oct 2017
It's cold by the bedroom window
So close to my bed
I remember this time last year
We moved this same bed
Away from the cool screens

I remember
When you balanced on the love seat
To reach the air conditioner
And to cover it with plastic
To prevent the breeze

You were so good to me
Taking these precautions out of love
And I went and destroyed what we had

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out
Losing my mind at the thought of you
The thought of us
With your family
With mine
Either way we were happy

Those old pictures show true smiles
And now my heart feels empty without you there to fill its shadows

After work I keep daring myself to drive down our old block
To see the lights living on
With some other family filling our void
But I know it'll destroy me

How could I let you down?
How could I throw away our security?
How could I not know if I was happy?

How could I cheat on you?
How could I destroy your heart?
How could you not think I was awful?
How did I not realize it myself?

If you're reading this
Just know I'm sorry
I still think of you always
The spirit of our love
And the remnants of our life
Will haunt me forever
Until my heart dies from the torture
Of seeing you in everything
Bella Oct 2017
I want the trees to shake from my screaming!

I want to bite through my own jaw!

I want to claw all the skin off my body!

To break everything & hit everyone

So just let me ******* be alone.

I want to kick the boulders off the mountains!

& push the ground away from my feet!

To rip the trees up like carrots from the ground!

Bang my head against the pavement!

& curse every bad name at everyone!

But then I get sad

I get sad and I cry

I cry because I can’t believe I ever thought those thoughts
I can’t believe I ever wanted those things

I’m good

I-I-I shouldn’t think like that

I love this world

I don’t want to hurt myself
I don’t want to hurt anyone else

I love my family
I-I-I love my friends

They did nothing so wrong as to deserve this

They don’t deserve this

I’m sorry
I-I-I’m sorry
This poem is my raw thoughts while I am in a state I refer to as a "breakdown." These have happened for at least three years consistently anywhere from twice every-other week to twice an hour and can last from 2 minutes to an hour. Writing this poem is how I figured what they are. Finally!
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