So he wanted this
So he thought this was it
So he thought that this was going to be the last
So where is this coming from so how many times has he lied
So how many times has he told me he loved me
So how many times did he actually mean it
So how long is he going to give me the silent treatment
So how many times will he confront my friends instead of me
So what do I do now, I'm so confused.

Remember Me,
             On a full bloom paradise, a sweet spring escapade,
             when the first bud flourishes,
             on the day you ended my feelings with a drought.

Remember Me,
             On a dwindling heat, a midsummer’s day,
             when the ocean wave crashes,
             with me shouting your name.

Remember Me,
             On a soft autumn breeze, a free falling dream,
             when the last leaf drops,
             together with a heart flowing on a violent stream.

Remember Me,
             On a winter solstice, a frostbitten goodnight,
             when our fragment of memories scatters in a snow-kissed temptation
             as they screamed for a horrible goodbye.

Don't leave me whole,
        leave me broken;
        broken enough to make me miss you,
        but whole enough to make me strong.

Strong enough to make me want to
        walk away and forget you.

Our love was not made to last,
        like snow, falling, crescent, sparkling;
        gently, and softly, it brushes my heart.

I admired it as I gently held out my hand
        I tried to grasp it but it was too fragile,
        suddenly it fades, not slowly,
        but all at once.

you were tig

I was tag

bright pink wellies

a duffel bag

the snowball

that I threw

I wonder if

you ever knew

It

was always

you

I guess I was missing how empty you made me feel,
        how I felt like it was everything that mattered;
        that soul crushing, heart wrenching emotion.

I was terrified of letting go of what's left in this
        sadness that were slowly placing cracks in me;
        because I'm afraid.
        I'm afraid of not feeling.
        I'm afraid of being happy again.
        I'm afraid to forget.

I was desperate of wanting to keep a piece of you.
        and I held on to the these kinds of memories instead
        because we all know, that painful ones
        are so much more easier to keep.

Love. The drug.
Peddle pushing ****.
Chest pains.
More, ******* more.
Than I deserve.
Inconsistent at best.
And nervous.
And sad.
And I would make you love me,
but disappoint more,
Had I the body and shine,
to light your golden face
I would give up all that I’ve earned
these past 6 years.

But it helps to know,
I’m not too far gone
That my heart still beats,
and hurts
and my stomach tightens,
making me sick.

If I could I’d catch a plane,
leave this ******* city.
I’d run away just to return to you.
And I know you’re too pretty,
for me
Makes me want you more.
I’ve missed this feeling.
It feels like living.
In a city created to repress.

Counting down the week like its my last chance to feel like this again.

Choices and voices and speaking and words
Will hurt you more than I can bear
I want you to be free of me
Breaking your heart can never be fair

Not sure if I’ve ****** everything up
Certainly feels like a world of pain
Is headed my way
Today

The silence is the worst part.

Silence after the storm, when all is eerie quiet
and you wonder if it would be too cliché
to wander out and survey the damage, murmuring platitudes
to nameless neighbors

Silence in the night, as you lay awake
and the shock of a train whistle like a dying candle
echoing in your head long after
the train has gone

Silence when you ask them if everything feels wrong
and your breath won’t come in the hour-long seconds
before they answer you, it does
the world is falling apart

Realizing that I loved you, but was not
in love with you, was the worst
of all heartbreaks.

I think of you always.
I see you
In a stranger's face,
I hear you
In a friend's laugh
I think of everything about you
That I loved
And everything I didn't
And I use our time together
As a template, a guideline
A checklist
Of everything to avoid.
I think of you always,
A toxic reminder
That I am better off
Alone.