What is it?

Comfort from stories you sought comfort before?
Eyes untouched by your demons?
Visions of becoming the best version of yourself?
Hungry ears devouring your stories?

Confusing calm for plain and boring.
Seeking dysfunction.
Problems created existing outside you,
hoping it gets loud enough.
Drowning out what’s within you.
Your soul doesn’t knock anymore?

This void that fed something
Replaced by hunger.
I’m homesick..
I miss you.

Willing misinterpretation of disappointment. Crafted intentions of abandonment.
Disguising what’s yours to retain integrity. You’ve always had your way out plotted. Hiding from the one you showed your duality,

I’ve always known you.
And this is just something you do repeatedly.

Used.
Always.
No matter by whom.
I will always be the pawn.
In your next move.

Please don’t leave me alone.
Be my shelter from the snow.
Hold me in and pull me close,
Tell me that you won’t let go.

I wish you knew how hard I’m trying.
How hard it is to get out of bed.
How hard it is to be around people.
How hard it is to crack a smile and pretend.
I wish you knew how much I loved you.
I wish you knew it’s not your fault.
I wish
;