put your hands to the sky
drop to your knees and cry a river of salty tears
scream out into the open air
scream until your lungs give out
yell every sinful crime you've committed
beg for forgiveness
beg for a second chance

you're reminded that you've been in this position before
only before it was an act debauchery mixed with a hope for an act of god
but now it is a full blown plea for mercy and a god like miracle
both scenarios pleading for god
and in this moment you remember that you will never find god on your knees
because god does not exist within the hollow shell of whom ever it may be you are worshipping
god exists within your own being

i used to love the scent of rain
not until it gives me pain
but who knows
maybe this is where my poetry grows

lately, i tend to walk alone
gives me the feeling like i'm never known
thoughts been treating me like a slave
and it's so hard to find a place that makes me feel safe

sometimes i can't feel my feet
most of the time, my heart beat
it's getting really hard to breath
maybe i'm getting closer to the death

as i'm walking away
kinda hoping that they'll beg me to stay
hey, what is this part?
is it where everybody's treating me like a dart?

throw me about a mile
and only be remembered as a small while?

Sunday, 15 January, 2017.

When I wake up and think of us
I feel a surge in my heart, a rush
The impending guilt rides through my body
as I remember how you said I was the greatest thing
The one that you were going to love for always
Until I messed up and begged for you on my knees
I begged for you to still keep me,
I begged for you to not talk so soft,
I begged that I would never have to write things like this again, and we can see how well that paid off
I am through begging and I am through waiting.
All that I have left is to hope that someday you wake up and miss me
Instead of writing me off so easily.

My ever present
Companion
Searing me
Arcing through
My insides
Every day
A new burn
Skin graft patches
Healing
Inch by inch
Pulling me
Into myself
Hunched
Contorted
Askew
Once again
Sideways on the floor.
Cauterize me

For a day would you love me
For an hour would you hold me
For a minute would you kiss me
For a second would you restore sanity to a broken man?

Would you go back in time?
To change all that we have done
To restore the friendship
The friendship that once was

For this day would you look at me
Look at me with the eyes that once loved
The eyes that made me feel whole
Just for a second would you?

In this moment could we be lovers?
Could I make you feel loved?
Just for this moment
Could we forget the world?

Could you just look at me for a second?
What if I beg?
If i plead?
Just look at me for just a second...