you open your eyes
you are alive and present
you look in the mirror
you see yourself and say
'' I won't be good today "
"but someday darling" says the mirror
"you wont see yourself in me"
"you will see the devil instead"

can't sleep

i'm overcome by monsters, dark and vicious, ready for a feast

           i can see them coming after me if i close my eyes for too long

they're strong, sadistic, twisted clawing towards me

           among them are shadows with claws, open jaws

some are people though, eyes full of anger and hunger
      smiles large and disturbing
          
           i see my father, i see the boogeyman i hid from as a child

i see
                            
                                ­       Nothing

it always stops right before they reach me

               shaking, afraid, tired
  
                      Oh so very tired

i've wrapped myself so tightly in blankets to stop the shaking but it does nothing

               i've resorted to sleeping with a light, trying with all my might to ignore the shadows

they dance and turn, howl and cackle, gaze and smile, beckon me to join them

                      i am scared
                      
                                   ­                   i am lost

                                                           ­                           i am alone

why can't i find home, i know the address

         know what it looks like but my maps don't lead me there

No
               it leads me through a hell unknown

tell me when does it end?

           because i'm tired of this game and just want some comfort

before i can no longer breathe

Great works, and definitely Captivating words
When I was trying on, but got treated like turds
I never expected to be rejected within the birds
It struck like a lighting, an unexpected shot
Burst down in my deepest guts till it rot
I believe that I may have won, except for someone's not
Stupid rules, drove me crazy from grabbing the gold
Your selfish heart give chills in the atmosphere's so cold
"Join us", I'll never trust this person again
My effort apparently has a ****** end
You know who you are, and you should know what's best
The community's nothing without you, so why don't you just rest
Till this "love, pain, & poetry" becomes less,
Less than a thrashed out old bird nest  
I thought I had the chance with an awesome luck
But no, I was rejected getting hit by a truck
I could probably win anyways by giving you a buck
While your self-centered, greediness snuck,
Someone's doing there best to get a heart struck
By Great words, and effort unending
You only chooses to the group your loving
How about those ones who were really trying,
Only ended in such messed up endings

Its been a while since we sat and talked,
My friends of faceless fame.
Its been a while since I lost my friend,
My treasured brat, little one.
I found a path that killed the pain,
A path not walked for reasons.
I spent two weeks on its twisted curves,
And a fortune in green backed dollars.
The world sparkled for a while,
Crystalline lights and marble castles.
But now its over and my process done,
Back onto gravel work strewn passes.
Lets not wait so long my friend,
To talk of loved ones lost to life.
Lets spend more time with each others words,
Where we can cry and laugh and love.

This has been a rough few week
Hah, more like months
Why are we dancing like this
Spinning 'round in circles
Never touching, never leaving
I can't be the only one who's tired of this

But can you imagine a life
Where we finally meet
Touch in the middle
Fall in love
I know that isn't me
But it could be

In a world where I'm strong
Where I can make you laugh
Sit in the back
Smiling and flash peace signs
Laughing in the halls
Would you still walk me to class
Hold my hand if I asked
I can imagine you when you drive
Screeching and dramatic
Blasting Boy Division and
Eyes glued to the road

We don't talk about serious things
In normal places
Words slip out into
Normal conversations
Bleeding from the edges
Are we closer now
Or further away

I have a lot of questions for you
That I'll never ask
Like if I'm good enough
If you could ever even love me
Why you asked about my boyfriend
And decided to confide
In the middle
Of a highschool cafeteria
It's not that I mind
I just want to ask why

Tomorrow, I won't see you
Will we still talk
Or will a silence fall
Like the snow that won't come
And deafen us forever
Will I sit with you again
Laugh with all your friends
You seemed happy enough
Was that what you wanted all along
Do you do what I do

Can you ever fall asleep
On a cloudy afternoon
Would you wake up
If I asked you to
If the sun was rising
From behind the clouds
If the blinds weren't down
Would you let me
Hold your hamster
And what was with those eyes
When I said the only thing I want
Is someone to sing
The other half
Of Promiscuous with me
Were you thinking about it
When you asked me to put you on my shoulders
At the MCR concert
What did you mean
When you said we'd go to a break room
For your birthday party
Who else would be there
I can't imagine
It'd just be me

And if we do meet
What does that mean
Can I pet your hair
Pick you up and run
While you struggle and giggle
And not quite scream
What did you mean
When you said your best friend was emo
Did you mean me
You were looking at me
Am I the closest thing you have
To a friend at this point
What happened last year
I can see you flunking
But not without reason
Who are you
Beneath all of your clothes
What made you this way
Who shaped you
Into the being
You are today

Can we lift sometime
Go to a shop
I can body block
Or maybe just hit the road
Complain about my family's
Unspiced plain taco meat
It's not my fault
They are like that
You know that too
I like that

Would you listen to a song
If I sent it to you
And I know that there's
A reason you left the friend group
Are you worth giving up
Everybody else
Something in me screams
That you just might be
And what if we do
What if we end up
In rural New Jersey
Driving up for the weekends
Or down to your apartment
To stay up and sleep in
Would you lay next to me
Stay up with me
Read and talk and ***** to me
Would you be everything I need

I couldn't be yours forever
I wouldn't be yours at all
And I can see you
With that stupid, self satisfied half smile
Hands on your hips
Androgynous
Content to let me
Be my own person
Yeah, I can see that
I can feel the rise and fall of your chest
Maybe we'll roadtrip
With your old friends who smoke ****
They could drive
Stay up all night
You'd fall asleep on me in the backseat
No stops in town
Just gas stations
And fields of grey grasses
Your friend would download
Really bad movies
Play them on an iPad
Propped up on the dashboard
Feet up, head back
Singing that life's just like that
We could pull over
To the side of the road
Get out, stretch our weary limbs
I can see you squatting down
Picking up rocks and stones
I wouldn't kiss you then
Maybe wouldn't ever
But I'd watch your back
Would you watch me back
Would you watch me too

Would you look in my eyes
And see something other
Than the standard grey blue
Would you find religion
In my hands and fingers
I hope you wouldn't
I don't want you to
Would you appraise my body
As just another creature
A vessel for my soul
And would you care
Would you stand with me
When it mattered
Or would you walk away

Would things be the same
As they were at the start
Shaking hands
Sitting on the floor, reading books
Swinging at the park
Maybe I know you now
What you're doing
Walking past me
Never looking back at me
You want me to follow you
Through highs and lows
Thick and thin
And I can't chase you forever
I don't even want to

But you saw something in me
You answered me
You remembered
National Emo Day
You asked me to play drums
While you played bass
You asked me what I thought
About your hair
You showed me your dogs
Texted me about bands
And I think you meant it
When you shook my hand
Greeted me
Asked to meet with me
Didn't ignore me
On the first day back
Even when you saw your friends
You sat outside in the cold
Rejected the good table
And put up with me
Even when my jokes didn't land
And I stepped on your toes
Crossed your lines
Wasted your time

So do you sleep in the light
Do you think there's a heaven
After this life
What happened with your parents
Where do you want to go
Have you ever loved someone
Do I really want to know
Who was that one ex
The one even skinnier than me
Will you laugh while I cry
Or will you look away from me
Are your scared of being broken
Or far past ready to break
Do you want to fall in love right now
Or will I have to wait

Bad ones build character
Demolish hope

Days that define are also the days that leave you damaged and dented

I slept to escape pain but in doing so also avoided change