30 | 31 Poems for August

I set myself on fire just to keep you warm.
You should see my third-degree burns.
I was taught to never play with matches but I guess I’ll never learn.
You stand there with no sense of panic and watch me as I slowly burn.
Ascending to new heights and I still want to take you higher.
Burnt every flower in the garden of my heart and you’re still fuelled with a burning desire.
All that I needed was the kind of love that I mysteriously couldn’t find.
I’m the boy who didn’t give up on love and you’re the girl who stopped learning to love again.
For some odd reason, you enjoy watching me going through relentless pain.
With your kerosene hands you ignite every single thing you touch.
All I wanted you to do was love me, I wasn’t really asking for much.
Every time I say your name, I feel a burning sensation at the back of my throat.
Swimming in an ocean of kerosene with no signs of a lifeboat.
I keep thinking about how loving you is complicated while I try to stay afloat.
I’m the boy who taught himself how to love through the pain.
I thought that your love and laughter could keep me sane.
You constantly scorch my skin with your burning love.
I set myself on fire just to keep you warm.
You should see my third-degree burns.
I was taught to stay away from fire but I guess I’ll never learn.
You stand there and watch me as I slowly burn.
Slowly burning, now here comes the smoke.
But a phoenix will always rise from the ashes.
A phoenix will always rise.

for R. you're not reading this, alas & in any case you wouldn't care-

Another sunset,
the clouds stained
Warhol red, passion pink
interspersed with yellow
cider streaks
of dying sunlight
birds ****
leaves, mumbling, rustle
a snail crawls
it should be a full moon
tonight
one of the last
August moons
I'm thinking
of how that summer
in college
it was too hard to breathe
for the heat & pollution
yet how I made it
up that hill every time
birds cease to ****
leaves to rustle
a snail still crawls
August Moon rises
& I think
of werewolves
& how anyone could
be this under the right conditions
faceless office workers
doing time
ripping off shirts
wildly in the night
to howl
in ****** of mundanity
I know how you cope,
like me, you have your poetry
& I have free time
to read it
as often as I want
& to think
of your genius
breaking up minutes
into diamonds
that I keep in my heart
under lock & key
a danger, imminent

Never will I forget this day

I was 12
Playing in my neighbors back yard
We jump roped, played hopscotch
I was happy

One day we were listening to the radio
Singing, dancing and laughing
He called us inside to have lunch

His hand wrapped around the small of my back
I flinched, my heart stopped
Something was wrong
and I did not know yet what it was

He asked his daughter to leave the room
As I began to leave with her
I was demanded to stay
as the door locked, my heart dropped I couldnt breathe

He looked so pleased with him self as his eyes looked me up and down
I tried to run
He grabbed my wrists and threw me on the floor

What happened next forever changed me
I can not get the images out of my head
Did he know how much he would mentally **** me up?
Does he know the mental issues I now suffer because of him?

Did he know that years down the road
When I was finally married to the love of my life
and he would try to hold my hand or kiss my forehead
I'd flinch in fear?

Many times has my husband held me while I sobbed in our bed
He watched me suffer through this pain
and deal with me being so torn up inside
it kills him.

What really ****** me up
was when I was 12
and I learned that the world is cruel
You will be abused and hurt

And no one will stop it from happening.

You said that you loved me
Last january
We stood outside covered in snow
I remember feeling happy
All of february
When we went for long walks in the cold
The wind was so harsh
Until we entered march
and the sky slowly changed from white to gold
It was very painful
when you left in April
Off to see the world a new way
and I waited for you
Every second of May
Looking up and down the road all afternoon
and the joy in my heart
When you came in June
Slowly faded with every lie
I barely recognized you in July
You asked for time to adjust
I gave you all of august
It passed in a confused blur
In September I saw you with her
Sorrow took me over
All of October
Losing you while wanting to remember
Having flashbacks all of November
The cold came back, more falling snow
In December I decided to let you go
You said you loved me
Last January
and I´ll never forget it I swear
Now I know love is never forever
A lot can change in  a year

It's so like Mars to just come around when ever it's pleases.

The moon is pretty ****** lit.
Kinda makes me wonder what kinda cheese comes from it.

I wish I could just load up a rocket ship invite 5 of my closest friends & take them to a place we can only dream of & not pretend.

Robbed of our oxygen.
Sweating & coughing some,
As it turns out space just isn't all that fun.

Gray skies  in August
Muddle by as a gust of wind pushes you on
You're walking alone
The first chill of winter enters your bones
But it's not time to go home
You've got someplace to go
And some time to stow away
At the end of this day
You don't have a say in what the future brings
The ice will soon take hold
As August comes and goes
The coming snow will cast an eternal spell
And as August passes from summertime blues
To a winter of truths
The chill will still any lingering thoughts of self doubt
And you might just weather on
Even though the last days of August
Are gone

i can make one bottle of beer last hours
From cold to lukewarm
My *** settling into a state of what I call
Perma buzzed
Wussy sip after wussy sip
Perplexed looks and slights from friends
It serves me right to drink so slow,
Evading the glass bottle bottom but
I guess I want to be able to hold onto something so much,
It warms up to me and serves me well.

~

Right now, I want to be buried in a house of lavenders.

what a strange quiet house I'm in
Where i can't even hear myself think
Bottle after bottle and the silence ensues
I am alone here, and I will be alone here
For as long as the vacancy in my chest
And the absence of my mind
continues

~
I want a house overrun with lavenders for my children to play with.

tic
k tick

pick the lock

boom boom

cutoFF
Ym tongue

bite yours too!

fake fake fake wet
tears
falllllll

chop off my fingers
and
chew ch
ew on them yum

very odd

i am a rigid,
pale stone
and the water that washes over me/
that is life.
sometimes the flow is-fast a
nd sometimes...it is slow
but I refuse to let
it play me
though the water affects me
(it rushes over me, smoothing out som,e , but not all of my edges)
it is not my master.