She was a young girl,
Her spirit was bright,
She believed the world was good,
Until pain overwhelmed her.

The assault had made her a new friend,
It was called a razor blade,
Never able to do it,
So desperately she wanted to end it.

Months go by and the pain lingers above her head,
It’s all just too much,
Darkness becomes her life,
A toy she played with a lot now.

The mirror was a window into the past,
Every time she looked into it she saw disgust,
The trapped memories with in her eyes,
End it, End it now she told herself.

Sits in the shower crying,
Know one knew the pain she was in,
No matter how hard she scrubs the flashbacks won't go away,
Scrubbing so hard blood starts to go down the drain.

Her life crumbling before her eyes,
She was broken,
Yet she didn’t care,
“You think you know somebody”.

You don't know what it's like
To be violated
To be held against your will
And felt up
And leave bruises
By someone you trusted
By someone you thought cared about you

You don't know what it's like to be used just for your body
By someone you thought cared for more than just nudes
By someone who told you were cute and pretty

You don't know what it's like to tell the person who violated you
What they did to you
And how it made you feel

You don't know what it's like to receive a fake apology
One only to get you to shut up
But as you're telling him your point of view
And as he's pretending to apologize
You could just feel all the "I don't cares" and "will you shut up nows"

You don't know what its like to attempt to leave an uncomfortable situation
Only to be pulled back by the handle on your backpack
Unaware of what is going on
You thought you were leaving

You don't know what it's like to be held up against the body
Of a strong, tall male
Unable to push him away
Unable to squirm out of the situation

You don't know what it's like to be barely able to breathe
Because your face is pressed right up against his side

But of course you knew he was strong
He played hockey and baseball
But you didn't know he was that strong

You don't know what it's like to be violated by someone you thought you could trust, or thought they could protect you.

Let's not mention how you don't know what it's like
To be sitting in class, sharing your homework with another boy
Only to feel his hand on your leg

You don't know what it's like to sit in a room full of students
And have no one notice what is happening
And you've shot a look that says don't do it
Yet he takes that as a look to continue to go up further
Because he thought it would increase tension
But really he made your self-worth decrease

You don't know what it's like to have an unwanted hand go up your skirt
And you thought it was okay to wear a skirt that day
Just like you wore one every other day
Because the Kilt was part of your school uniform
But of course that made your visible legs vulnerable
And it's a good thing that someone else call for his attention
Because you wanted anything but his

And you don't know what it's like to make a scene
Or to tell someone
Because you're not sure if you parents will be more upset
About you talking to boys or that your got yourself into those situations

You don't know what it's like to stay silent
Because you don't want to make matters worse

But it's my body, why would someone think they have access to it?

Because you don't know what it's like to be sexually assaulted

My body is uncharted territory
(You wish)
A map that teases - taunts
(He said)
The road to Armageddon is paved
(With love, my dear)
The touch of an unpainted nail
(Scratched into my back)
You are mine, now
(Unpin your dress, my dear)
The Holy man slides into me
(I sing a psalm to calm him)
Thrusts and moves
(Blood, deep red, flows)
Kisses me with whiskey lips
(The wrinkles around his eyes)
Exit, stage left, you breathe again
(Ssssh, be quiet my dear)
Unconvinced ears, hostile eyes
(I am real)
Birthing women turn their backs
(See me)
Virgins untrap their wings
(Believe me)

Choking on words
Attempting to shove them down

Reliving the vision of you
Brings mixed emotions

We do not speak
For reasons continually multiplying

Yet I wish to tell you
Hurts unspoken

I dream of stopping you
In your tracks

Merely to tell you
Secrets left unsaid

"Your teammate's hands
Skipped consent

I cannot forget
The look in his eyes

His touch left my skin
Purple in places

He made me feel
Like I was the cause."

But dreams are
Only hazy

They're wishes meant
For the mind only

We do not speak
And I will not tell you

You will never know
Of bruises on thighs

If home is where the heart is,
I know it does not lie with you.
For there is no stranger being that could embody it.
Although we were children,
you have lost your place in my mind,
my heart,
and whilst I keep myself as far from you as possible,
it seems you continuously find your way in.
Despite my best efforts
you are a force to be reckoned with.
Despite your best efforts,
so am I.
The newspaper came out with a story last week.
"Man Charged With Having Relationship With Girl"

What you’ve deserved all these years has
caught up with your running,
as you cannot run forever.
It's time we grow up.
Hide and seek is over.
All this time I thought I was the one who should be hiding.
Maybe, it should have been you.

Remember when you touched me
as I said "no"
Remember how you kissed me
with such urgency to take that first bit of innocence
Remember as I pushed you away
and you got mad but zipped your pants anyways
and the only reason I followed was because
you were my ride home.
Remember how you had THE NERVE
to ask me for money
after how you had just touched me
and the only reason I did not slap you
was because you had made that poor little girl
afraid
of everything.

But tell me,
you MUST remember when I came to realize
the man I was with was best friends
with a criminal,
a deciever,
a lousy excuse of a man whom took this
hardly-14 year old girl's first bit off innocence
and discretely- her last

You must remember the denial.
You must remember how you called me a liar,
a fake,
an attention
seeking
*****...
You must remember wishing hatred upon me.

My poor excuse for a man,
but do you not remember
the beginning of a catastrophy
that only you
had the power,
underneath those grimy wandering hands,
to start ?

If every child says his father is a hero,
then why is the  chances for defending her daughter zero,

if animals do know what the abuse of young one entails,
it shows how humans are worse than animals
what they lack is long ears and tails.

Real men are those one who can sing a lullaby to their daughters an till they fall asleep,
not the one who sleeps with them........

I said "no"
you kept going
I said "stop"
you said "I'm almost done"
I said "It hurts"
you said "It feels so good"

Afterwards I sat there blank faced
and you had the audacity to ask me if I was ok.
A shrug was all I could get out.

How could you do that to me?
Why would you do that to me?
How could I let you do that to me?
Why did I let you do that to me?

They say, "it's for the best"
and "it just wasn't meant to be",
but maybe it wasn't him at all,
maybe it's me.

Maybe it's always been me,
it's always been my own **** fault,
how can I sit here blaming guy after guy,
for what has happened to my heart; assault.

It was the fault of one guy,
and it happened long ago,
but it's affected every relationship
I've been in since then, though.

Maybe I pick losers,
or guys that don't know
how to treat a girl right,
or maybe it truly is me, my fault, and I.

Some people get married early
and last until the end of time,
others like me, stay lonely,
never having reached their prime.

Maybe being with someone isn't for everyone,
or maybe its just me,
I guess it will be a while before I find out,
but this is probably as happy as I'll ever be.

When we talk, collectively, about being
equal
there will be someone who asks,
"What is that? How can you say,
that a women should be entitled to claim this violence as their own,
when men get hit by women, too?"

1 in 4 women in college will be victims of ****** assault,
and too often men will ask,
"but what defines ****** assault?
if a girl gets her
*** grabbed in the club
is she the 1 in 4?"

I haven't yet heard,
a women ask
"but what defines ****** assault?"

Sometimes I feel like I was born knowing,
how to make myself smaller
so that no one could see me,
looking down at crosswalks,
and stoplights,
trying not to make eye contact
with men looking at me.

I know what it means to be sexually assaulted,
and how this comes in many forms,
all of which
are valid.

I have had my shoulder grabbed and shaken violently
by men who claimed to love me,
I have been struck in the face,
by men who told me they wanted me to be their wife.
I have been threatened to keep things men did to me a secret,
or I would be hurt in my sleep.
I have had my cellphone confiscated, and the landline disconnected, so that I could not call for help when my father would drink too much.

My story is not unique,
this 1 in 4,
is so common.
you will look into the eyes,
of women who live with these traumas on their shoulders,
you will not see their weight but they will see
the ignorance in your words, the dismissal of their own
when you ask
"but what defines ****** assault?"