Maybe there is a reason
That I remember the curve of your smile
And the sound of your laugh

Or the way my hands traced
Over your face
To just know your skin
To feel the laughter lines
I had created

You knew how to warm me with
your body
And your heart
Still I'm remaining cold
With my guard fiercely in place

There are barriers between us
Preventing the words
That are ready to bleed from my veins
Or anything to break through
That might save this

Those three words you spoke
Set off the smoke

That put our flame out
As my mind filled with doubt

Bringing out chapter to an end

I guess you're still a *friend

I can't get it out, I'm comfortable being down.
Don't try and cheer me up, don't question my frown.
Don't tell me that I'm special, that you love me so(?)
I know you're lying
And I'd rather be alone.

But you don't want to leave, so I let you stay
I say that I'm not looking for love
And you're just in my way.

I can't stand it when you're here and I hate it when you're gone.
You're getting tired of waiting - 'so ******* long'

You have to understand love, these things take time
But you're so ******* impatient,
Trying to knock down walls
That were built for you to climb.

And lately you've been distant,
Probably found someone new
You're unaware that I'm broken,
Memories of you in my head lie frozen

I am a shut bottle of happiness,
only you can open.

Forever in Almost

I read a poem applauding your second love
for teaching you that love still exists
after being broken, but what if your second love
is the same as your first, but not the same at all?

The same arms hold me, but they feel new.
Like when the bus is pulling away but stops
to let you on or when the light turns yellow
with just enough time for you to slip through
or when you catch the door before it closes
or when you drop something  
and catch it in time.

We lost each other like missed exits that keep driving
but found ourselves and now we know all
we have to lose. Dancing with the words we
only danced around before like a spinning top,
one wrong breath could end it.
How can something so fragile not be beautiful?

To have the person who broke you be the person
to reintroduce you to 3am’s,
drives with no destination,
street hugs covered in darkness,
and brown eyes being beautiful.

But he didn’t break me. I broke
by telling myself I loved him when really,
he was the first person I wanted
to love and be loved back by
but I’ve learned that’s not always how it works.
Sometimes you miss each other
like points plotted on the same grid
but not the same spot or parallel lines
that just run side-by-side.

Because, sometimes the bus leaves,
the light turns red,
the door closes,
and you can’t
catch it in time.
Almost there,
but never doing
what it takes
to be there.

So we’ll live together forever
in what we have built and left,
in what could have been,
in what almost was,
and what a beautiful
thing that is.

♦
On the 22nd day, 10:22 in the evening
Who would have thought that out of a billion
I'm in your mind
And you're in mine
Who would have thought that?
If we, ourselves, do not even realize it
♦

You're not my ex boyfriend. You're just my passing moment. An almost someone to be.
But that moment didn't happen.
But it feels like know you so much.
Like I know your hurtful past.
I know what rules your mom applied on you and your siblings.
I know whats your favorite leisure time. I know what you like.

We were an 'almost', 'maybe', 'someday'.

No one listens to me.
When I say someone bothers me, don't take it lightly!
By 'Bother me',
I mean they disrupt my entire being.
They make me want to peel my skin off; to let my anger take over.
I feel like I'll explode!

It makes me so unsure of who I am,
almost to where I can't control myself.

With that words.
**I almost believed you.

‘Almost’,
Is the saddest word in the world,
Aside from ‘He almost died,’
It’s blackened and shrivelled and curled,
It's chances never taken,
Opportunities that we miss,
Dreams that somehow got squandered,
Breath that could have turned to a kiss,
But I am one of the loved ones,
I believe that I’m good for you,
Because we could almost make it,
We could almost see it through,
These imperatives you use,
Could all be turned so morose,
"She did it, she said it, she was it”,
If they only incorporate almost,
See I could be smart, I could be pretty,
But I’ll try not to boast,
I promise everything’s great,
Everything’s fine,
I’m happy,
So happy,
Almost.

I would build you a bridge into the waves if I knew you were afraid of getting your boots wet
It’s never that simple
I know
It would take a lot of lumber and it’s not your boots you’re worried about
But I understand, the cliff is always there the ocean never takes it
I hope you enjoyed your stay on the beach
The sand sure loved having you sink into it
But high tide is here and you can’t swim out with the grains you’ve come to love
Not without letting go of the cliff
Stay safe please
You never know where the under-toe will take you
Atlantis
Some other beach, with some other cliff