only wanted to enjoy the same unusual things
with like-minded people

the concierge of dystopia fnording *******
messing around with the octopus
cyberpunk nightmare with blue sky
expect a deluge and then wonder what happened to it

evaporated anxiety due for a downpour
catacombs rented by the hour
she typically cares about those
who don't care about her
abandoning me without consequence
don't ever come back
ungrateful swine of nowhere!

loyalty exists only in a parallel universe
where they locked themselves up
and destroyed the key
they feed the rich and ignore the poor

in the end the strugglers will prevail
and the ones who had it easy will suffer
game shows that punish the ignorant

rage that never ends
scoring infinite points in basketball
and still losing the game

only wanted to enjoy the same unusual things
with like-minded people

We are such fragile things,
vulnerability exposed over single words,
voices, relentless pounding, mocking, senseless motives,
curling up on the floor, beating at the darkness with clenched fists,
subjectively futile as we grasp at the sunrise of another new day.

© H V Swan

Messed me around
Against
Taking your words out of your chest
I know you got it in for me
We should break the tension
Against
The floor that you’ll land
Against

Against
Wish me luck cuz you know I’m going to get you
We’ll have a *******: you, me and my fist
Could you consider not having me fooled
I’m going to be a **** star and use your name
People will think it’s you so prepare to be embarrassed
Oh you won’t fool me again
Against

downtown is
a much newer scene than even
i thought it’d be - i was
prepared to be
a novice. i was prepared to be
out of place. and this was
nothing, i could handle these
old odd eyes, i just
wasn’t ready to feel so
dropped in.

but i’d drawn a diagram
of this situation,
a different specific

(*******.
i can’t hear myself think)

why am i surprised to feel
so dropped in
when i’ve drawn it?
drawn upon it?

why am i surprised
that a new brand new
situation feels
just the same as the new situations
of before, when i’ve
had so many
that i can picture the the sensation
of my brain?

i’ve made a series of green lines
on a yellow, lined piece
of paper.

i’ve meant to take it
to my shrink for months.
once,
i had it in my purse and
my guts, when i entered,
decided to shrink.

i said
i was fine, and the same,
and i started to drop
the pills that stole my sleep
onto the streets.

it’s helped,
and i’m surprised. and my brain
feels more awake than
any other time
in the past
three
years…
so.

to which part of town
do i go to

from here?

******* the Tube

through hot walls  
echoes of balconies,
city of hushed shimmering steps
flying limbs, jumping, crashing,
a ***** animal noise in the haze,
imagined necks,
stretched out and glistening,
metallic clatterings,
misplaced booms and magnolia,
floating bicycles, no air,
impersonal muffled faces,
hearts, feet, sharpness,
meaningless cheap *** hotels,
sweating relief on the stairs
under the river

i saw a girl
with the eyes of endless clear days,
a stranger,
the curve of a rose,  
she stood, awake
by a door painted blue,
plain and complete

she must be new here

That man, that’s not me
Soon, I’m not here
Hold on
I disappear.

These days I drift away
Just turning round and round
You won’t
Let me down.

I’d change just for you
But never let me go
Fall back
In the arms I know.

In a while I’ll leave
Am I lost or found
You won’t
Let me down