My friends are all foes, my lover’s a liar
My body is burning, my flesh is on fire
My bones all are breaking, my spirit remains
What is the good of a heart when so engulfed by pain?

Cathedral bells pealing, they beckon me “come—”
But how can I go freely with what’s being done?

Days steal into evening, the gloom ever deeper
Would that the flames which consume me, awaken the Sleeper

I've worn out my usefulness
yet again.
I ran my mouth until it became uninteresting.
And brought the world around me together
Its has become a cycle of forgetting what I forgot to let go
Deep inside all I want is love and understanding
I need to learn to do this for myself.
How can I expect to achieve that which works against my obvious self.
Everyone else sees it
why can't I.
My heart becomes a shallow grave stuffed with the bodies of memories I've blocked out
And only ever told two
My eyes became full of many dirts and
Salt
My life is a room filled with happy people who know my deepest darkness
And watch me cry myself to death while I drink.
The wind outside is cruel and unforgiving.
Speaking to me through the little voice in my head.
With faces innumerable falling in love with each other
Laughing
as I run away
Yet again.

I diluted a part of myself
that I could no longer
retrieve until
I let myself go
in the sun dehydrating
the toxic liquid that filled me
with so much fantasy

That's not who I am
I'm built of burning wood
And hacked off pieces of granite deemed
Too coarse for cobble stones

That's not who I am
I'm nobody's child
I built myself through a muddled
Community of moth wings

We never tasted sugar, never felt the rosy clothes'
Crushing flesh, blushing chosen lyrics
******* swallows and cheating sucklers
Cold, sunken, green with no choice

That's who I am - my own monster
Stitched from what I liked, stuck with our greasy wick
I blended myself, found my backbone
In the granite sifted and spat away

You can't name me, I get that right
To bore myself in your thick skull
You gave me over to the frost the day I forgot what
Stupid people said I should love

When grease turns, kettles scale over
Rusted innards show, red in the ground
T, TB, AA, PSA
What can I do?

When you catch the musk of defeat
Bleeding out your crusted dearest
How soon before the years since stutter?
I forgot them already

I can't be what I want to be, without your hateful consent
Tides of cradled love and rotten ****
Wash over me and I
Take it to heart

When it all loses spirit because no whim is trusted
From a signing bearded beast
When you realise it's not going to stop
Until we all fall down the molehills
Fastened and swinging
The only firm hand I ever knew

When it comes back, sweeps your Victorian progress away
Leering, you're not recovering anymore
You get to call yourself it now
You're the addict's child
Slip in that and curdle.

my eyes adjusted to the dark last night
of the light that fades in, flickering
in the bathroom where i have spent my worst times
i saw disappointment in the mirror again
maybe someday i will learn moderation
and stop desperately trying to reach
the bottoms of cups and plates
maybe i will stop wanting to forget
someday,
maybe i will stop having to trace outlines
in the mirror of what i want to see
changing the shape of my jaw
parting my hair differently

half-drim drunk lights
in a half-remembered drunk night
there is always a purpose that i am forgetting
a reason why i need to keep my cup empty
i want to know every moment i spend with you
instead of missing out on myself

The world is way different with my sober eyes.
And I can’t explain the simple beauty I see watching birds fly.
I’ve missed out on so much these past 5 years.
But now is my chance to raise an empty glass and say cheers.
For all of us dealing with life at the moment.
I know now that we all have a chance for atonement.
You may not know me and that’s okay.
But if you need me I’ll be a kind stranger and hold your hand the whole way.

Every morning I wake up to puddles at my feet,
Storm clouds swamping me and making it impossible to breathe.

The downpour only grows more as the days progress,
A dying glow fading distant in my empty chest.

It's hard to find the storm's eye when it seems to have died,
The tar and ashes from a bonfire burn lowly outside.

But me and my life, I suppose we are just fine...
The rising tide drowning us in it's icy cold brine.

Perhaps one day, it will all come to an abrupt end.
Until that day, I'll drown myself with an ocean of gin.

He knows it is poison, yet indulges.
It's the one way he's learned to live through it.
And so stays dry. It's sobering.
For months and months and months,
It's a life he enjoys.
Then comes the itch, so the plan is engaged.
Leave and become a stranger,
A pub-fly in Ireland.
And when he returns, Day One is at hand.
The cleansing is on.
For three days he digs, buries himself
In the dark.
Wretching and heaving til bruised.
Step by step by step...
A red face lights the sink basin,
Water, not tears fill his eyes.
By eight tonight Day Two begins.
But that's still hours away.
Back to the sink.
When  Day Three dawns,
He rises and walks out.
Step by step by step...