My words are my blades and they gleam in the sun
You will hear me and feel them by the time this is done
I never wanted it to go down this path
where ideas became darkness and love turned to wrath
I stand in the rain with my hands to the sky
I try not to cry and I just repeat "why"
These thoughts deep inside me will certainly die
If these wings are unfolded and my heart gets to fly
But I sat there just brooding and my mind became lonely
I myself am my own one and only
A loveless relation a mirror at best
A life of reflection and a beat in my chest
Then something black in my soul disappears
Shadows and ashes from the passing of years
It really didn't matter it all stayed the same
I tried but I couldn't give the feelings a name
My blades in the sun have now found a home
In my heart they will stay, no longer to roam
No longer to be wasted and fall on deaf ears
The death of my sadness, and the rest of my fears.
I hate myself so deeply for everything I've done
I am forty ******* years old and I CAN'T go back on ANY OF IT.
I can tell you with sound mind
If it weren't for the ones that really love me
And remind me on a regular basis
This conversation would have stopped abruptly after high school.
I'm a sub being I'm a snowflake blah blah blah
Waste of time and taxpayers money
I am a scar and a stupid story that has only
Itself to blame
But here I am.
In your god ****** face.
And your mind.
And your heart.
Etched into the very day you die
With my stupid words and blahologies
And my annoying *******
You hate me?
Look at what I just said about me.
I'll probably die before you
Take solace in that
Have fun with the rest of the ****.
The chill of the twilight starting autumn creeps in
My mind has been filled with terrible sin
I fell to my knees and preyed in the dirt
The worms and the Gods will feed on my hurt
I hear all the whispers I'm feeling the fright
My call has been heard by the abominus night
I'm the void that you see when you ask from above
Mankind has now seen, and will burn from my love
I've become the darkness that looms in the sky
My wrath is upon you your people shall die
The time has come for carnal feast
I make the change from man to beast
Fangs and claws and unholy fist
Everyone's blood explodes into mist
Delicious are these broken guts
my power feeds on tender cuts
Messiahs bane at midnight hour
Lords of evil grant my power
Look up to the sky and see the moon red
now that I'm god, everyone's dead.
If we all died alone
We all died alone, together.
And then we would be a group of humans
That just wanted love and happiness
But refuse to accept it from the lonely one dying next to you.
Wanting the same love you do
Silly, isn't it?
The devil is carving its name into the back of my skull with a spoon
Jesus is tap dancing on my frontal lobe
Buddha is twisting my words
While Shiva unmakes me
I need to breathe.
It's all happening forty years at a time.
My family survived long enough for me
To miss them forever.
The stars outlasted them
Even the ones dad showed me...
While I wasn't doing enough
But begging of black rites born in sadness
Drowning in this long dead foreseeable pit
Light was falling from the skies
Reflecting the way it just goes on without you
As the water enters your lungs
And the skies turn into static fuzz
Mom welcomes you home.
It's not that I'M crazy
We are locked in a world
Of barbs and razor sharp
The radio, TV, phone, your diet, your *** life
They say we are depressed
Give us pills
Blame it on our childhood
But believe in a burning Bush
And convert yourself
To faerie tales and
That the world isn't a festering pile of **** we made for ourselves out of ourselves.
All the **** and famine aside,
Everyone is happy and as long as you don't have to deal with it, it isn't a problem.
It's only on the TV.
The fact is
It really is all ****
We blew it
And the reason I don't give one flying **** about ism and proverbial sanctum
Is the very same reason I try to drink myself to death
On a regular basis
Hey! listen to me! Please!
I have this super important thing to
Unleash upon you
I'm super depressed and...
Oh yeah. I know. Yeah. I'm above this.
I'm better than this.
I should probably get over it like everyone else
I know right? I'm not the ONLY sad person on the planet.
You're right. It is a huge discomfort.
I shouldn't just vent to you about the saddest things in the universe.
I am such a **** for assuming you should have to deal with it because we're friends.
Get over it, move on, become harder than diamond.
How am I such a selfish *****?
Dealing with depression is hard I know