I wrote and rejected my own words,
I marked them basic, unoriginal.
I erased lines I never replaced.
I stopped making new worlds.
I loathed that I was only typical,
I hoped it would only be a phase
But I paused.
The pause turned into a halt.
It turned into a break, turned into never.
Then I wrote back all that I lost,
Stopped stopping and breaking and believing the false.
I want to continue writing letters.
So I will mix and match and reach my goal to have never been better.

it's all the matter of:
waiting for the calm
despite having the storm
just pass by;
having a mind crippled with
"i don't even
want to try."

my hands remain shaky,
my body remains tired.
my soul remains weary,

but so far,
it's alright.

Darkness,
It flows through my body like blood,
It burns my veins feeling like acid.

When I look in the mirror,
I see a shadow,
A shadow of what I've become.

the tower of when

1,000 years ago,is nothing in the
tower of when. standing on
a rock , 2 million years past
the future is present
and the present is last

i saw a child who died last night
and lived a hundred years
the peasant begging on the street is me
i'm rich i give you free
call upon the minutes and die again
the tower of when is why

After the Rose had shattered like glass
painting the fragility of a gift untouched
his body begins to drown in dirt
and his feathers embrace the roots
his heart hath given to the colder winds
and his eyes kept open to see the dark
its beak still open for its last note still hung
in the air of glum and awe
but from a distance she heard the song unfinished
the angel who hears his sigh
she descends from duty to null this darkness
from one winged angel to another  
she kisses him from divine intention
she holds in her lips the elixir of hope
for one touch of love and whisper of hope
and the nightingale sings again.

I wish someone told me then,
That getting A's isn't the only thing that's important,
That you need to learn to talk boldly,
Need to look people in the eye,
Learn to hit the ball up high,
To know the route to back home,
Not just learn the chemicals in soap and foam,
Learn to get groceries from the store,
To cook the soup I completely adore,
Wish someone told me then,
I can't go back now,
Can't relive the pain,
I need to start fresh again

I've been waiting,
All my day.
I've been trying,
To find my way.
I've been wishing,
To let myself stay.

May this all start anew
Fresh and rested from a Summer of growth

What started a year ago broke me down
Followed by a Fall of fading feelings
A Winter that left me hollowed
Then Spring sprung me from a grave

I did it all alone
Finding who I am
Learning that my fears are weak
Harnessing my true ambition

To fly amongst the clouds, who recognize me
To see above the sun

I'll never forget my year alone
The bottles and the ***
The drugs and the books
The heartbeats in-between

This life is a painting
Only I know the true meaning
My intention with each stroke hidden
And one day it will be finished

Just like this poem